Tennessee goldfish. 

It's Thursday and another "Sheeps"... 

Opportunity Missed...

Where was this fraternity when I was going to UT??????

A great place to go to store old car engines and eat B-B-Q... 

Things people in Texas are way proud of... 

Lady Vols in Last 4....

So I stayed up late last night (for me anyway) watching the Lady Real Orange Team defeat that powerhouse from New Jersey Rutgers to get to the Last 4. Seems late in the last half we had hit exactly 3 buckets for the half, but fortunately made a lot of free throws down the stretch. It looked harder than it should have been.

Now we get Michigan State, and then probably LSU again. I do believe we can actually win it all. And did you notice Coach Pearl sitting behind the Lady ROT's bench last night? Already trying to get pointers on how it's done.

On a very sad note... Eric Clapton turned 60 today. He's not hip, he's old.

On a strange note...what's up with Michael Jackson relating his troubles to the same sort of persecution that Muhammed Ali, and Nelson Mandela had to endure? They are all in the same category? What? Too many wine Pepsi's?

Let's see....Nelson Mandela went to prison for being black in a country that was ruled by whites with apartheid as a stated philosophy. He's got a real gripe.

Muhammed Clay went to jail for dodging the draft like a bunch of other people. He should of expected as much. No sweat.

Michael Jackson is on trial for being a potential child molester? And how exactly is that related to Nelson Mandela's troubles? I'm clueless.

Pearl, Pearl, Pearl...

I'm sorry. Whenever I hear the name Pearl it makes me break out in that song from the Beverly Hillbillies "Pearl, Pearl, Pearl, you look just like a girl...". The Real Orange Team hired something Pearl from Milwaukee to be their new basketball coach. I see Final Four for us in the near future.

More importantly, the inventor of the Beverly Hillbillies, Paul Henning, passed away over the weekend. The fellow that brought us Elly Mae, Granny, Jed, Jethro, Ms Hathaway, Drysdales, the cement pond, and the double naught spy is gone.

He did not, as was claimed, invent Green Acres also. he only co-produced it.

On this day...

On this day, way back in 1979 (the Ray Mears era), Three Mile Island got too hot and leaked some radiation out. We should forever ban nuclear power. Just kidding. Just don't let Homer Simpson back at the control booth.

Speaking of meltdowns, the Real Orange Team is now courting Milwaukee-Wisconsin's Pearl, a fellow know one had actually heard of until this year. He's making $250k and we are offering him $800k. Hmmmm. If'n it were me, I'd offer him $251k and a chance to get out of Milwaukee. The last time I got a promotion it wasn't for tripleduple of my pay. It was what we at work call "incremental". That means "tiny".

And in other news...The Lady Vols need one more big win on Tuesday night and they head to the Last 4. I predict a NatChamp out of this bunch. They already beat LSU, and everybody else is just dreamin'. Go Lady Orange.

Insert your own funny caption... 

Texas canoe. 

Friday Haiku Wrapup...

First full week of "Sheeps",
Pat Summitt passed Dean Smith Yeah!
Make your own Peeps here!

It's Thursday, it's "Sheeps" 

Oops, spoke too soon...

Sorry for all the excitement and hubbub yesterday about the voting snafu (don't you just love that word?) on American Idol. They re-ran the episode last night and re-voted and geuss what? The votes didn't change. I suppose that means that all their rants aboout "call 800-555...for Willy NOW!" doesn't count for much. You could just pick numbers out of a hat and do as well.

And I thought TV voting was so scientific. I'm so disgusted I don't think I can ever watch this show again. I'm switching to something classier like "Super Nanny".

Seriously, wouldn't you like to see something based in East Knoxville, let's call it "Super Mamaw". Where Mamaw goes and watches somebody's wild children for a couple of days. Episode one starts with Mamaw chasing some shirtless boy around the front yard shaking a willow switch at him. "You'd better run you little worthless rat. When I catch you I'm gonna beat that foul mouth right outta you!" Now that would be TV worth watching.

The Outrage!

Last night on American Idol they posted the wrong phone numbers for contestants on the screen and really messed up all the voting. I couldn't tell if I was voting for the Clay Aiken look-alike, or the guy with big fuzzy hair. It was really, really bad.

Now I understand that they are going to have a "do-over" of last night's broadcast and fix the numerical snafu. Wow. How can you expect the artists to be able to perform again in such a short timeframe. Their vocal chords will be screaming! It's unfathomable.

I believe some right minded congressman should call for congressional hearings on the matter. If we can sit through ballplayers refusing to admit they eat vitamins, surely a public outrage like this calls for more congressional oversight. We deserve to know whether this was an innocent act from a drunken technician, or a sinister plot hatched by evil studio producers.

I've invested a lot of time in this program. Time I could of spent feeding kids, taking out the garbage, going to work, listening to my wife etc. I deserve an answer.

I just heard from a former friend that the only thing scarier than Texas rabbitt's were Texas babes at the beach. Ouch. 

Record Book Attempt....

Tonight, the ROT's women's basketball coach Pat Summitt, attempts to win her 8,987,456th game which would pass Dean Smith and that Naismith guy for some kind of World Record in wins. Now I'm not a pessimist or anything, or a pooh-pooher by any means, but it's not really the same thing. It's like saying Sadahuru Oh from Japan just set a World Record in home runs. Their season lasts 23 months, the outfield fence is only 220 feet, and the pitching aint exactly Roger Clemens.

Pat Summitt has won a bunch of games, she's the best women's basketball coach ever. But, she's not the same as Dean Smith. After all, how many games (still) does the ROT play that are actually contests? Half of them? The ROT has been in every NCAA tournament EVER, and has NEVER been beaten in the first or second round! Is that a testament to the greatness of Orange? or the weakness of all the other teams? How can you compare the games when you still have teams that get into the NCAA's, yet lose by 60 points?

But give 'ol Pat her due. She's been great for a long time. It's just everybody else that hasn't been so hot....

Texas rabbitt. Larger and pinker than most. 

Monday's Sports Wrapup

Two shocking sports reports from Knoxville this weekend.

First, The Real Orange Team, women's version, won their 4,987,456,762nd game in Knoxville overly highly touted Western East by Southeast Carolina, 230-25. How unusual for the Lady Vols to win a basketball tournament game. Especially over such a quality opponent. They really should skip the first seven rounds of the women's tournament and just go right to the final four. UConn and Tennessee, and two at-large teams. That should suffice.

In the second shocking development, Knoxville held it's first marathon race this weekend and it was won by a guy from a country called "Kenya". Wow, unbelievabable that a country so small could actually win a sporting event so far away! Wait, let me turn that around. When have you ever heard a marathon result that wasn't won by somebody from "Kenya"? Those guys must have really long driveways and have to run hard to get the mail everyday, or maybe they've banned cars in the whole country? Who knows. It's just annoying that they win, and they don't even have to be experienced Kenyans. They can just be passing through town, stop and run their first marathon, and win. Depressing.

Today's edition of "Sheeps" 

Texas goldfish 

The Art of Exaggeration...

Today's Knoxnews has an article about a teeny weeny earthquake that happened a few miles from Knoxville. To it's credit it does refer to it as a "micro" quake. However, it also says that the quake prompted "hundreds" of calls and "there are no reports of injuries". In my opinion they could've done a better job by saying "reports of massive panic are unfounded at this time". "Although substantial damage and chaos are expected, we are unable to corroborate early reports of same". If you are going to report on a 2.5 earthquake (earthshimmy?) you might as well do it right.

And as everybody knows March Madness is upon us. Nice job Alabama. Nothing like losing to a team so obscure, they also have to identify which large city in Wsconsin they are from, so as not to be confused with all of the other large schools in Wisconsin. Let's see, there is University of Wisconsin, Wisconsin State, Wisconsin Eastern Shore, Wisconsin Tech, and Wisconsin Milwaukee.

No news is just no news...

This on-line publication will feature (on different days no less) a Sports section covering the Tennessee Vols, also known as the Real Orange Team (ROT) down here in Texas. It will feature a comics, or "funnies" section consisting of one 3 panel "funny" known as "Sheeps". It will feature commentary on breaking news, and items of general American interest (like whoever Michael Jackson molested today). And it will feature a weekly Haiku, for you sophisticated readers.

Photos of great interest will be posted, with smart-aleck comments.

My goal is to post at least one item each day, hopefully some will be funny. So that's enough setup, time to get with it.

First test, what did you expect?