Here is today's "Sheeps"

Work Languages

Everybodys work has a certain language that goes with it. Mine is heavy on acronyms. There are other words that are morphed into special meanings. I've decided to help you out by sharing some special language examples you can use in your everyday job to make yourself seem smarter, hip and real nerdified.

Today's word is LOS (pronounced L..O...S...not loss). It stands for Loss of Signal, a condition when a satellite, or space station etc. is located in such a place that the signal from the ground is lost. Usually for a short period of time, like 5 minutes.

In everyday slang use, you say "Sorry, I just went LOS on you". This means you weren't realy listening or didn't hear what was just said. If you have a disagreement between two groups you say "I just think they went LOS on this subject", which of course means neither was really hearing what the other said, and couldn't reconcile the difference.

So there you have it. Use at will. Just don't go LOS on me. And please feel free to share your special languages, particularly if they'll make me appear less nerdy.

Another title for Texas

Woohoo! Texas won the College World Series yesterday over Florida. The poor Gators never really got into it. To be honest, I didn't watch it, but I feel obligated to hoot about it.

How about that Formula One race last weekend!? Wouldn't you be happy if you paid real money for tickets, a flight to Indianapolis, a hotel room, hot dogs etc, just to see 6 cars go round the track? It would be a long, cold day somewheres before I'd go see another F1 race if it had happened to me.

And the Cocke County cockfighters head to court today. We'll follow all the turns in this riveting story, including the trials, the media circus, the Bronco chase, Neverland, oops....mixing up my famous trials a litttle.

Thursday keeps getting later and later...

Weekly Wrapup in Tanka...

College World Series,
Big Orange was gone early, huh?
Didn't expect much.
San Antonio is champs!
League that nobody watches.

New Tenn License Plates!

The Big Orange Governor unveiled the new Tennessee license plate yesterday to much fanfare. The new plate is a digital print, not a stamp. It has a background picture of some hills and uses an outline of the state as the dash betwixt the numbers on the plate. But amazingly, there's no slogan on it!!?? It used to say "Tennessee sounds good to me!". That sounded like it was written by folks from Nashville. I was disheartened to learn there was no slogan. Then I figured the Governor probably just ran out of good slogans to use. After all, "The Friendly State" is already used up by Texas, and "Land of the Taters" is taken by Idyhoe. But I had a couple in the back of my mind.

How about...

• "Tennessee, 5 Million People, 15 Last names"
• "So Many Recipes, So Few Squirrels"

Got any better ones? Submit them to me and I'll send them to Nashville.

Open Mike Problem Again...

Seems our Governors and former Governors keep running into the problem of saying unkind things about folks while having an accidental open microphone. Yesterday Governor Rick Perry gave an interview to a bunch of reporters. At the end of the interview Gov Rick said "bye" and one of the reporters chimed in with a smart aleck response, peeved that his question didn't get answered.

Gov Rick went over and sat down for a different interview, and during his prep for that he repeated the reporters comment, then added "Adios MoFo". A very nice mix of Spanish and English don't you think. My only issue with it was it was heard by the reporters and later he apologized to everyone over and over. I wish sometime they'd just let it stand. I think it accurately reflected his feelings.

You Know You Have a Crime Problem When...

In the District (that's what cool people call Washington D.C.) the police chief had his official vehicle stolen on Sunday night. Yep, crimefighter #1 had his company car ripped off. That's some bad PR heading into your performance review. "Let's see, you had a clean driving record this year...Oh wait, that's right...it's because YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN!"

There's some poor teenager driving around out there right now in the 1999 Crown Vic with no idea the whole force is looking for him. And that's another thing. You know you have budget problems when the Police Chief is driving a 1999 Crown Victoria. That's a 6 year old car. Nothing newer than that available? Or did he think an older car was less attractive to thieves?

Newport Folks Aint Dumb...

There is a good article on the chickenpit story in today's KnoxNews. It details how one entreprenuer bought the property for $100,000 a few years ago and how one night that the FBI was at a fight, over $60,000 was collected in membership dues and entrance fees. That goes a long way towards retiring ye old mortgage.

At the other site (which was bought for $20,000) over $2 million dollars was wagered one evening. That takes a lot of ciphering to keep straight. Sounds like a profitable business to me.

My Thoughts on Educashun...

I seen where a bill to promote Pre-K educayshun programs was introduced and discussed in the Tennuhsee legislature. Pre-K? What's next, womb tutoring? Whatever happened to childhood? Around these parts folks send their kids to tutors so they can get in the best kindergarten programs. For what? They got higher quality finger paint?

When my oldest was approaching firts grade my pardner was worried that he might be behind. I told her he couldn't be behind. It was physically impossible. It was first grade. By the laws of physics he would be equal to all of the rest. By the end of the first week he could be no farther than one week behind.

It reminded me of my first day in Introductory Spanish at the Unisee of Tenniversity. The teacher walked around the room saying "Hola, como se lama" or something like that to each student. They then each answered with something like "Mi yama es Earl, gracias". When she got to me I said "If'n I understood what you said I wouldn't be in Introductory Spanish". It didn't sit too well with Senora Teacher and obviously my Spanish skills didn't stick.

The point being, let kids be kids. I don't want my kindergartner having to worry about being able to read on a 5th grade level. There will be plenty of time for that when he reaches high school.

It's Thursady and Sheeps!

Answering the mail...

I get lots of e-mail (at least a couple a hunnert a day), and frequently I get the question "how do you come up with material every day?". That's a great question.

I read a lot in my job and sometimes things just strike me funny. Maybe I look at things with a different slant than most folks, I dunno. But I'll read something, and then do a double-take. "Did I just read what I thought I read?". Then the funny thought hits me and I catalog it for future articles. Other times, really crazy crap happens that is just too good to pass up. Those are the genesis for the "can you believe it" articles. Also I keep some staples going, such as the Thursday Sheeps, the Friday poetry wrapup, etc.. That makes it easier to figure out what kind of material to write for the day. A little focus helps a lot.

And of course, on days when there is really no material at all, I answer e-mail questions.

College Baseball Update

Looks like the Big Orange will be playing in the College Baseball World Series. Or as my partner put it, "Oh great, now I guess we'll have to watch all those games too". Yes, your right. The CBWS (that's an "acronym" I learned that at work) is the most exciting baseball going. The aluminum bats make homers commonplace. It's as if they put helium in a football so the punter could kick it a mile.

And a followup to yesterday's news report on the 144 people who were arrested at a cockfight near Newport Tennessee. To all of the people who were surprised to find chicken fighting near Newport...It's in Cocke County...how do you think it got it's name....????

Wild, wild, west

Here's this week's edition of the West Yellowstone Crime Log.

Weirder?

Which is bigger news today? Michael Jackson walking away scot-free, or 144 citizens of Cocke County being arrested at a cockfight? You're right, the cockfight.

My favorite quote came from the FBI who said you can't let an operation like this go on, when you find out about it you just have to put a stop to it. Later in the article the Del Rio chicken pit was described as a staple in the community for 60 years. It took 60 years to get a warrant? Of course not, the pit had been raided at least twice before, once resulting in 400 people being cited.

What might surprise you, cockfighting is legal in New Mexico and Louisiana. Wouldn't that be a hoot for a Friday night out? A great place to take your wife for her anniversary. "Honey I have a surprise for you, we are going gambling on our anniversary!" She's all pumped about the flight to Vegas when you pull up to the chicken pit.

Who doesn't think the cockfights in Del Rio aren't back on by this weekend? As a side note, a Cocke County politician ensured that cockfighting would only be a misdemeanor. He couldn't be reached since he's in prison for two years on a drug distribution charge.

The King's English

During an interview for his most recent debacle...I mean fight, Mike Tyson was asked what he would do if he lost. His answer? "I guess I would just fade into Bolivian".

Go ahead and buy your ticket to La Paz Mike. I think you're on your way...

We made the news!

Did you miss the article yesterday where I made the news? I assume by now you've read where some dude carrying a bloody chainsaw, a meat cleaver, a bloody pocketknife and other sharp instruments was allowed to cross into the US from Canada by Customs. Their rationale was "just because you're weird doesn't mean you can't come in". They also said they didn't have a crime lab there so they had no way of knowing if the red substance on his chainsaw was paint or blood. On top of that, the picture of the dude would've made the hair on the back of Charlie Manson's neck stand up.

Later, the police figured out that this fella might've been involved in some chainsaw murders of some of his former friends. So where do I come in?

"In state court the next day, the suspect told a judge he is affiliated with NASA."

Please keep him. We'll make do without him.

My gosh, that water is cold....

Here's a shot of Roger Clemens pitching at Minute Maid Park. Roger is the dot in the middle. He looks very intense in this photo.

Various...

I can finally rest now, the Women's College World Softball Series is over. Michigan won by beating UCLA. It's the first time any team east of the great Mississippi has ever won the title. I'm glad Michigan won, even though I still root against them every chance I get cause of that Charles Woodson Heisman thing. I hold a long grudge.

Michael Jackson checked back into the hospital with back pains. Here's hoping he's late, and in his Disney jammies, for the verdict.

"Sheeps" has viewership from many regons of the US. So far I can count Chattanooga, Knoxville, Jefferson City, Fayatteville, and Worcester Massachusetts in the mix. I realize that Massachussettans may find some of the material immaterial, or at best, mildly odd. I'll try to input more information in the future that appeals to them. Here's a stab...

No Kennedy's have acted up this past week. WooHoo! The Red Sox are still champions til October. Woohoo! The snow is now sufficiently gone enough to actually drive all the way to the Red Lion Inn. Woohoo! The South hasn't seceded lately! Woohoo!

There. That makes me feel better.

Thanks for your suggestions

It's nice to know the on-line community can come to your aid in time of need. I suffered from sleep deprivation yesterday (sounds fancy don't it) and received a number of kind, sincere and well meaning suggestions. A lot like the suggestions I would have received from my own family, had I been dumb enough to whine about not sleeping to them. I have since recalibrated my nocturnal clock and am now synced up with Central Time. So no more sleep problems here.

I can't wait for the Michael Jackson verdict to come in. We expect massive riots in my town when the verdict is read. Fortunately, it's expected that the rioters (Michael supporters) won't be able to throw bricks hard enough to actually break any windows. We anticipate the massive protest march will be choreographed by Bob Fosse.

I Can't Sleep!

Used to be I had no troubles sleeping til noon. Even when I needed to be up at 8:00. Now as I get older, there are days I just give up on it, like today. I woke up at 4:00 and realized that it was going to be useless, so just give in and get up. I figure I'll go to bed about 8 tonight to even it out.

I know people at work who show up at 6am every day and leave at 7pm and complain about having to work too hard. Me, I don't do that. Maybe if I was real smart and thought my employer really needed me, maybe. But I figure any extra hours I put in are just another chance I'll mess something up.

Why am I writng about this? Cause I can't sleep or think of anything else! Wait, go visit www.weht.net to see whatever happened to all of your favorite 15 minute of fame folks. There, I'm done.

What passes for intellect around here...

It's Official...

I'm officially a nerd. This weekend I attempted to install a wireless network in my house and I succeeded. That pretty much seals it. I even had to go in and change some settings and it still worked. I'm very concerned about the ramifications of this. I'm using the wireless network right now. It's awesome. The fact that I think a wireless network is awesome is scary too.

To provide further evidence I stayed up late last night hoping to pull the Lady Vols softball team by Michigan. I gave up after 10 innings only to find out they won in 11 innings this morning. I stayed up late watching women's softball.

Next up, summer crotchet classes and sensitivity training.

Weekly Tanka Wrapup...

Forty years ago,
Ed White took a walk outside
Gemini 4.
First American to be
his own personal spaceship.

Other news....Go Lady Vols in the College World Series! Yesterday they cranked out their first win and boy that sure helps to get off to a good start.

Other female news includes the first ever (136 years) UT female drum major. Wow, these women are taking over the world. And so much for my predicition that Danica Patrick would crash at the Indy 500 in the first three laps. She didn't do too bad. Can you name the winner? Didn't think so.

Sad news of the day...Ian Hunter of Mott the Hoople turns 66. (All the way from Memphis!)

We Missed the Point...

Yesterday, I read that on June 1st during the War of 1812, naval commander James Lawrence who was fatally wounded, told his crew "to fire faster and not to give up the ship." This is the source of the well known motto "Don't give up the ship."

But it occured to me that the most important part of that quote came first which was "fire faster!". The don't give up the ship part was just a little icing. What he really, really wanted was for them to FIRE FASTER Dadgummitt! Faster!

I dunno, it was just a random odd thought of mine.... I think we immortalized the wrong part of the quote...

Congratulations to you!

On this day in 1796, Tennessee became the 16th state to join the Union. Hooty Hoot! The Union was forever changed for the better. Biscuits and gravy were introduced to the country, country ham became a staple for city folks, prospects for dentistry as a profession rose enormously, and college football became an obsession.

I even heard David Letterman comment to a guest the other night that he (David) was wearing the guests state colors cause he had on an orange tie. The guest was from Memphis. She cringed a little but didn't correct him or offer any explanation of Tiger High.

So Congratulations on your birthday today Big Orange. Thanks for sending Davy Crockett and Sam Houston down our way to help create Texas. We gave you back fajitas, enchiladas, another orange UT, and the two-step.

Gimme a "T" for Texas, a "T" for Tennessee....(I forget the rest of the song...)