Clone this...

Texas A&M announced yesterday that they have successfully cloned a horse and named the colt Paris Texas. Sheep, pigs, cats etc have all been cloned now. Big deal. Clone Secretariat, or Trigger, or Black Beauty or Bullseye and we'll talk.

What famous animal would you like to see cloned the most? What do you think would really have a "wow" factor? Send me your ideas and I'll pass it on to the Aggies so they can work on something more important.

Am I nuts or does the new Pope look just like Robert Blake?

You know you are old when this is the only Wild Turkey you ever run into...

Texas sunset...

Texas Blues...

What's Up???....

What is it with you people from Tennessee and burying things? First it was the Chattanooga/North Georgia thing, now it's dumping dog carcasses in Virginia?

All it takes is a little backhoe work. C'mon, it's not that hard.

Hot New Rumours....

According to my sources....Nick Lachey is worried that Jessica Simpson and Johnny Knoxville have a thing going on the set of the "Dukes of Hazard" movie. He's decided to move onto the set in order to keep an eye on her. Reports say she and Johnny were rubbing hands together or something ridiculous like that during filming.

I understand how she could be overwhelmed by the charm of someone like Johnny Knoxville though. She's plaiyng Daisy Mae for a reason.

I'll keep close tabs on this story for you, cause I know you're interested.

In other news, The Vols only had three players drafted and one was a punter. Either we were terrible last year, or nobody graduated and were going to be awesome next year. Hope springs eternal.

On this day in history...

Today is Earth Day, started in 1970 by a bunch of long haired hippies. Today's event is celebrated by a bunch of bald guys who still have that rat tail thing happening, and a bunch of women who don't wash their feet even though they insisit on wearing sandals.

On this day in 1889 the Oklahoma Land Rush started. Only two weeks later, the same group kept going when they realized they were in Oklahoma....

Paula Abdul is accused of having sex with two "Idol" contestants. Now that's an interesting twist.

And, in today's shocking developement, one of Mike Jackson's accusers is in jail on sex related charges. Wow.

San Jacinto Day....

Just to bring you foreigners up to speed... Today is San Jacinto Day (pronounced Juh-Sinto). Way back in 1836 on this day, General Sam Houston defeated the Mexican Army at San Jacinto (about 15 minutes from the house) and secured Texas Independence. The battle for Texas was an interesting one so today you get "The History of Texas" in one blog entry.

Around March 1836, The Mexican Army under General Santa Anna cruises through Gonzales Texas. Local militia get mad when he tries to confiscate a cannon from the Presidio La Bahia. They make a flag with the words "Come and Take It" (the modern day equivalent of screw you) and shoot the cannon at him. The war is on.

Santa Anna heads to San Antonio and lays seige to the Alamo. While offering surrender terms to the 150 or so future Texans they shoot their cannon at him. He gets mad. After a whole bunch of days with limited success, the Mexican Army finally overwhelms the Alamo around Easter. There are thousands of stories on whether everyone was slaughtered outright, or a few captured and executed. But general consensus is that the Mexican army killed many of their own through poor shooting and bad weaponry in the battle, and that the Texians exacted a pretty heavy toll in defeat.

The Mexican army heads to Goliad, where they capture General Fannin and his whole army. Fannin, heavily outnumbered, decides to surrender to spare the certain death he and his 800 men would get in battle. Santa Anna accepts his surrender, and then orders the cold blooded execution of all 800. The Mexican army is such poor shots that some escape this mass execution and live to fight again.

Santa Anna now turns his attention to Sam Houston and the last of the Texian army. The Texian army turns their attention towards Louisiana and getting out of Dodge. Santa Ana catches up to them at San Jacinto. On the afternoon of April 21st, Sam Houston notices the Mexican army taking a siesta (I'm not kidding), he decides to attack rather than retreat. The Texians line up two cannons, affectionately nicknamed the "Twin Sisters" and begin the Battle of San Jacinto. After a few cannon blasts they charge the Mexican lines. It's a complete rout and is over in 18 minutes. The Texians spare few as they shoot, hack, stab, and sword the Mexican army with shouts of "Remember the Alamo" and "Remember Goliad". It ain't pretty.

Santa Anna escapes but is later caught dressed as a woman. He signs surrender papers and Texas is born. Santa Ana is released, returns to Mexico where a mob hacks off his arm and carries it through the streets of Mexico City. He is only reunited with his arm many years later when he is buried.

And that's the way it was back in 1836....you can now take recess.

I need help...

I'm planning a family vacation for this year and I need your help. For starters, I have no clue where we'll be going or what we'll be doing.

There are five of us, including three under the age of 11. I don't particularly care for normal things (like DisneyWorld, or SeaWorld) even though I know they can be really good. I like the outdoors, I don't like crowds much. I want to drive not fly. I could take two weeks if necessary.

What do the other four like? Who cares. This is about me having fun. We can play putt-putt almost anywhere. Gameboys operate almost anywhere. Almost every hotel room I've ever been in has Cartoon Network. So they'll have fun.

And the wife? Books and magazines. If she was at the Sistine Chapel yesterday she would have missed the white smoke cause she would've been reading "People" at the time.

I'm the difficult one to please and entertain. So send me your suggestions. Please, no Nepal Trekking trips for $8 million. I'd love it but there are budget considerations. Clue me in on your best family vacations ever. Out of the way places, unexpected pleasures etc. Please help me, I need a break....

Still having troubles...

I know you don't care but...I can't seem to get the picture post thingie to work anymore. I hate it when stuff doesn't work as advertised. It appears to be working, then just sits there and spins and spins. (This is a lot like how I actually work now that I think about it).

Baseball season is in full swing around here. I've figured out a lot of sports only count if you really have a favorite, and only then if you are located really close to them. For instance, nobody in Knoxville really cares about the Braves, it's just that there is really nobody else to cheer for. If the Braves are left out of the playoffs early, then nobody cares about baseball at all. It's just a novelty. If, on the other hand, the Braves are in the World Series, then everybody in East Tenn is a huge Braves fan.

But don't worry, it works the same way in Atlanta and Houston. If the Astros are doing well, then all of the talk shows are analyzing Jeff Bagwell's stance. If the Astros are doing poorly, then everybody is on Phil Garners case. If the Astros are eliminated from the playoffs (say...with three weeks to go in the season), nobody talks about baseball at all. It just disappears.

Why am I writing about this today? I have no clue.

Back in the saddle again....

I'm home, in case you were wondering. I had to get home in order to celebrate Rick "Shrunken Head" Moranis' birthday today (he's 42). The trip was pretty much uneventful, but the technology on the road was frustrating. I'll be investing in a suitcase foldable satellite dish in order to do better next time.

Paul Revere began his famous ride today many moons ago. What was the name of his horse?

And summer is in full swing in Texas. I got a bunch of good wildflower pictures that I'll post (just a few) from this trip. It's ok to look at them if your male. They're very masculine shots.

Travel woes

Since when does a analog phone line operating at 1200 baud qualify as
"hi-speed internet" in a hotel?

You might as well advertise that you have very well trained carrier pigeons.
I promise to make it up to you all next week. I'm taking some pretty cool
pictures and will be sharing a few.

Frustrating

It's frustrating when they give you a way to update by email and then it
doesn't work. Arrggg.

Ever Watch Jay Leno?

People send me info on dumb criminal activity all the time. You know, people who rob banks and write the stickup note on the back of their own check. How can people be so dumb?

Jay Leno does a thing once a week called Jaywalking. He asks people on the street simple questions and then they try to answer. Of course, he does a lot of editing, but it's amazing the number of people who have no clue about the average piece of information. They know nothing about day to day stuff, the news, public figures, or history.

I remember (me being a Transportation major) someone asking me during college how trains changed flat tires. When I gave them my best puzzled look, they explained that they had never actually seen a train stop to change a flat but never could figure out how they would jack up one piece since trains were connected. It was obvious to me they were serious and had thought a lot about this.

It pained me to hear them ask this. I don't think I was ever able to formulate an answer to the question.

Today you have an assignment. Ask a variety of folks who the current vice-president is. I would bet that 50% have trouble with the answer. Please report back your findings from this scientific survey and help me restore confidence in America. I'd be interested in hearing their answers.

Glad it Wasn't Us....

Ok, I'm really sad to admit I actually watched the second half of a women's basketball game that didn't involve the Lady Vols. But the Baylor Bears played perfectly last night, I don't think I saw them actually ever miss a shot. They smoked Mich State.

Proud graduates of Baylor lifted their milk glasses in a toast to these girls. (It's a Baptist school in Waco after all). This is Baylor's second NAtional Championship ever. They won the men's tennis last year. The announcer said last night "this is the most significant day in Baylor sports history". Ouch. Just let them enjoy it, don't rub it in that it's their first big win in anything.

And, of course, the Michael Jackson case just gets creepier. I haven't reported on it 'cause it makes my skin crawl. I hope it's not all true or it'll give me nightmares.

Not really a blowout but....

You had to know that Illinois wasn't going to hit the big shot to win the game. They were going to miss so that you could say "they got a good look, it just wasn't meant to be...". Not a bad game overall, but I'd like to see a triple overtime shot at the buzzer winner some year.

Whenever I hear the word "Illinois" I always think of a spring break story. I was in a car with some of my hillbilly brethren in Daytona Beach many years ago. Hanging our heads out the window of our pimped ride, we would notice the license plate on girls cars then shout out "You all from Nebraska too?" "Hey, we're from Alabama too!" as a wonderful conversation starter.

A vehicle full of lovely women from Illinois pulled up beside us and I shouted "Hey, we're from Illi-noise too!"

Too which they replied "It's Illi-noy, you dumb-&8%$".

Needless to say, we had difficulty scoring with chicks from hard to pronounce states.

Ouch...

I heard the Lady Vols forgot to set their clock forward so they quit playing an hour early. Ouchie wouchie that was painful to watch.

And my hoped for matchup with Baylor was almost true.

Tonight, it'll be UNC all the way in a bore-fest. As much as I would hope for a good, close, hard fought game...it won't happen. Rarely is the championship game worth a flip. One team builds a lead of 12 in the first half, the other team pulls within 8 in the second, then the free throws start and the final is 15. Look for lots of lobs and a UNC blowout.

Clarification on yesterday's post....

Just to clear something up on yesterday's picture. David Dean is the one in the picture with the whiskers. Excuse me, the one in the middle of the picture with the whiskers.