Saw Roger Clemens Pitch!

Hey! I saw Roger Clemens pitch yesterday! Unfortnately he threw one bad pitch that was whacked into a two run homer. In Houston these days, we call that kind of lead..."insurmountable". The 'Stros got five hits (two were infield hits), and no runs. The Reds on the other hand, got fewer hits against Roger, but managed to score 7 runs in the ninth when we took the Rocket out.

Oh well. It was Major League Baseball anyway. At least half of it....

Poor Sidney....

Nephew Sidney has embarked to Yellowstone to work this summer. I just learned that he has been assigned maid duties. Manly stuff. I try to keep up with the goings on way out yonder, if for no other reason but nostalgia.

My favorite newspaper in those parts is the West Yellowstone News. It's a very small town right outside of the park itself. It has a very nice Crime Log section in the paper. Someone frequently hits a buffalo (excuse me..BISON), or a snowmobile, or a saloon. Generally, people are drunk and lost. Occasionally a real crime happens (usually theft of a snowmobile or a bison).

You should check it out occasionally, or refer me to your favorite crime log. I miss the old Daily Beacon logs, that was my favorite part of the Beacon (especially when somebody you knew was in it....).

The week in Tanka...

It was Carrie U,
Bo Bice was clearly robbed.
Who really cares much?
I'm on to a better show,
Have you seen Britney and Kev?

Sheeps...

The fix is in...

Somehow, the girl from Oklahoma won on American Idol, even though Bo Bice came out with Lynyrd Skynyrd and performed "Sweet Home Alabama". Unbelievable. Obviously it was fixed. Or people from Alabama weren't smart enough to cipher all those numbers in order to vote correctly. Oh well, Bo can be Ronnie Van Zandts' little brother.

The big news around these parts is that the Astros won their third (out of 24) road game of the year. Whoopee! One game away from the world series last year, 12 games out of first place in May this year. First to worst in a year. The 3rd worst road record since 1900 in the major leagues. Wow. And I have tickets for Monday's game!

Upsetting...

Today is a National Day of Mourning cause Howard Morris passed away last night in Hollywood. Howard had a million TV roles but was best known as "Ernest T. Bass" on the Andy Griffith show. The rock throwing hillbilly would usually say "It's me, it's me, it's Ernest T". While never being recognized with an Emmy, or Grammy, or Oscar for his role he was wildely held as a bastion of regional character acting by many. It will be a long time before another character as unique and odd comes our way. Goodbye Ernest T.

News Flash: Arkansas man puts his bid in to be the next Otis....

Yesterday a 38 year old Arkansas man was riding in the passenger seat of his pickup (he had asked a buddy to drive because he was drunk, so he's not totally stupid), when his cigarette flew out of his mouth out the window. He stepped out of the vehicle to retrieve his cigarette....unfortunately they were doing about 60mph at the time.

Emergency room folks said he was lucky, and only scraped up a bit. No word on whether his first words after coming to were "I need a beer".

Let the Games Begin....

Tonight is the big final audition night (they vote tomorrow?) on American Idol and the last chance to let your voice be heard. Who will you vote for? Ronnie Van Zandt or Martina McBride? Oops, it's actually Bo or Carrie. Normally I would easily pick "Bo" since I grew up on southern rock, however, every woman at work who watches the show is drooling over him which makes me want to vote the other way out of spite. I don't know why either. It's not like...

1. They have a chance with him and are picking him over me...or..
2. I have a chance with them and am getting passed over...or
3. I really care who they drool over...
4. I really care enough to actually vote.

It's just spite. Besides, Carrie is pretty cute, so that's enough reason to vote for her. So, to anyone at work who asks, and drools over Bo, I'm gonna vote for Carrie. On two phones. On speed dial.

For everybody else, who would you vote for if you actually cared enough to watch, and (Help You!) cared enough to spend time calling a phone number that wasn't actually connected to anything?

So who is it? Bo or Carrie?

Envious?....

I don't know how it is where you are but this weekend in Texas it hit summer overnight. Spring was great and long. But summer arrived with a vengeance.

Both saturday and sunday were record highs with 96 being tops. That's not too bad for July, but a little toasty for May. Especially when you are umping a little league game with full umpire gear on at 1:00 in the afternoon.

But as we always say down here, you don't have to scrape off heat off your windshield in the morning.

OK, enough weather crap. Real reporting resumes tomorrow....

Here's your weekly "Sheeps"

New Poetry Style This Week...

After much discussion and arm twisting from ancient poetry advocates, (I get lots of email from them) the Friday Weekly Wrapup report this week will be written in Tanka, not Haiku. The Tanka form of Japanese poetry has existed for centuries longer than Haiku and is generally considered more "pure" of spirit. So here goes...

Kenny Chesney won,
Married a girl from Houston.
Episode 3 out.
Two left on Idol, boy/girl,
Too much TV for normal.

I'm so sleepy...

I stayed up way too late last night cause I went to the new Star Wars movie. That's right, I'm a Star Wars junkie.

Yep, at midnight last night I was one of the first nerds in to see "Revenge of the Stitch, Star Wars Episode 3". I don't want to give away the plot but Annanova Skyscraper turns into the evil asthma guy during the movie. Carrie Fischer is out of drug rehab and running the Empire again. Luke Skyscraper and Chewingtobacca the big hairy fella have fallen in love. R2D2 has been upgraded and now runs on open source Linux.

C3PO got left out in the rain and rusted. Yoda was only 600 years old during this episode but still had lots of wrinkles. In a real surprise, Jabba the Hut was dating Natalie Portman.

I've probably revealed too much. I hope I didn't spoil the movie for you. I'm going to take a nap.

On this day....

In 1933, the Tennessee Valley Authority was created. Flooding stopped and high salaries began.

In 1980, Mount St. Helens erupted. Millions of people on the east coast finally learned that there is another "Washington".

And last night, Country Music star Kenney Chesney won entertainer of the year at the Country Music Awards.

Question #1: How does a Jimmy Buffett clone win country music's highest award? His winning song talked about having sand between your toes and then having to go back home to Cleveland. I never heard Hank Williams talk about sand, and I don't thing George Jones has ever been to Cleveland. At least not that he can remember.

Question #2: Where did they get the dolt that introduced Kenney, then can't even pronounce where he's from? I had to rewind my TIVO to understand what he said. He pronounced the place as "Luh-TREL" with the emphasis on the second syllable, not " LUH-truhl" like anybody who's ever been there knows it is. It's spelled Luttrel, even though most people from their can't spell. Maybe Luttrel is working on a new upscale image.

Mars Rover back at it...

One of our two Mars Rovers (remember those dudes?) had been stuck in Mars mud for a while. It's a little like Georgia red clay. The good news is it got unstuck and is roving again!

What I can't say is who helped it get unstucked. It got towed and we are thankful, but hopeful they are friendly. I wonder what a towing charge on Mars is?

Other big news includes Continental Airlines putting in a direct flight to Houston from Chattanooga Tennessee! Woohoo! Chattanoogians can now fly to Houston without stopping in Atlanta or Dallas! Woohoo! There are a total of 6 direct flight from "CHA" now. You can fly non-stop to...Nashville...Atlanta...Dallas...Houston....Topeka...Akron....and the Tri-Cities (maybe that counts as three?).

Question: If you had a ticket for three people departing from Chattanooga would it be the "Cha Cha Cha"?

You know you are old when....

Further evidence that you're really old....little pixie Olga Korbut turns 50 today. That's right, the little Russian gymnast is 50 today. If you have no clue who Olga Korbut is then you'll have to wait til Britney Spears turns 50 to understand.

Only 81 more days til the premier of the movie "Dukes of Hazzard". Rumour has it the premier will feature a huge biscuits and gravy buffet feast, a turkey shoot, and some pickin' and grinnin' later. Appearances from HeeHaw veterans is planned. Junior Samples, Grandpa Jones, Homer and Jethro, and especially Buck Owens and the Buckaroos. No word yet on whether Porter Waggoner will be able to attend.

Friday's Haiku...

Sidney came by here,
Summer comes around again,
School is almost out!

You beat me to it...

Glad to see you were able to find appropriate East Tenn stories before me. I think all that were suggested qualify under the criteria.

In other news....

Newsweek aanounced the top 1,000 high schools in the United States this week. Looking through the list I found no mention of "Chattanooga City", "Carter", or "Millington". Not to mention "South-Doyle", "Doyle" or "South" whichever it is these days.

I did see "Clear Lake" come in at number 729. That's right up the road from "Clear Creek" which is where my brood will go. Not to be confused with "Clear Brook", further up the road, or the new high school "Clear River" that's under construction. Clever naming scheme huh?

On the road again

I'm in Albuquerque for a couple of days getting my turqoise fix. Lots of
history, lots of native american pottery, lots of homeless people hanging
out. Its an odd sort of place.

I haven't heard of any really weird news from east tenn lately which means
you ae due. Expect a strange story in the next 3 days. It will involve
either:

1. A trailer park
2. A stepdad
3. A meth lab
4. Pigs
5. Magnolia avenue
6. Chattanooga police

Any combination of three of the above qualifies.

Friday's Haiku...

First, let me say, Go Rockets! One more win and we advance past those prissy boys from the North. The "all hat and no cattle" crowd from Dallas. Now back to business...

Not extinct, no sir,
Ivory Billed Woodpecker.
Run for roses Sat.

I actually watched some of it...

Believe it or not, I actually did watch some of the Primetime Live sexpose' on American Idol. I believe the young man is telling a true story. He claims Paula and he had an affair during the show. He said he did what any 22 year old man would have done in similar circumstances, go for it when given the opportunity.

My other family member indicated she didn't think that was true. That many 22 year old men would have resisted advances by Paula in similar circumstances. I can't think of any that I know....

BIG news in KnoxVegas! Bi-Lo supermarkets are selling out! First it was Piggly Wiggly. Now Bi-Lo! what will East Tennesseeans do for generic, non-labled canned goods! Crisis!

Idol Hands are the Devils Workshop....

Tonight is the big sex expose' on Primetime Live about American Idol star Paula Abdul, and one of the former contestants who got kicked off.

A couple of things make me ponder hard. First, why Paula Abdul? She just ain't that cute. Sure, she's a former Laker girl, but have you looked at the Laker's record lately? Not impressed.

Second, if'n you really did have sex with the judge, how come you didn't win the contest? If I was going to compromise all of my ethical principles (I make it sound like a big deal don't I?) I would want to make sure that it was actually worth something. It would kinda be like being on Fear Factor, eating a bunch of Argentina Beetle Slugs for $50,000, then puking and having to refund the money. Just not really worth it.

But then again, I'm no runaway bride.....

Teacher Appreciation Day

Today is a day we celebrate teachers. As a kid, I had two aunts who taught 4th grade. I, of course, was put in the third teachers class. But I did get to have my uncle for high school chemistry, my cousin for geometry, and my mom for library. My mom is a whiz with the dewey decimal system (highly underrated as a numerical guidance system).

So I thought it was way cool when I found out you can search this database to find pictures of yourself in high school. I was able to find pictures of most of my relatives and many of my college friends. Just input a little info to guide the search, and sit back while it canvasses what must be millions of school photos. It's amazingly accurate. It's also pretty funny to remember how goofy you used to look (some of you never recovered).

Slacker confesses....

OK, so I didn't post on Friday. I'll refund your prescription. In reality, I busted a gut reading about a standoff at a high school in Clovis, New Mexico. It took me 2 days to collect my innards.

Seems a kid was spotted carrying a large cylindical object into school. Fearing the worst school officials called police. Dogs arrived, tactical units deployed, snipers got on rooftops. Scared parents rushed to the school. Then they found the object.

A giant burritto the kid had made for marketing class. Read it for your ownself here...