Weekly Poem

Santa's coming soon,
Sugarplums dance in our heads.
Chimney sliding down.
It all happens tomorrow,
I've been good how about you?

I won't be posting again til January 9th. I'm taking a little respite. And your probably on vacation too and won't be reading anyway....so see you after the first of the year.

It's Thursday and Sheeps....

It Ain't Cold Just Yet

It won't get cold til later this afternoon. Why? Because Winter doesn't arrive in Houston til 12:35pm Central Time today. I don't know who figures these things out but that's the truth. Maybe it's coming on a Southwest flight from Dallas or something, I don't know. Must be a great job to calculate stuff like this. I bet it involves fractions though. Brrrrr.

On this day in 1620, Pilgrims stepped off of the Mayflower and onto Plymouth rock. I bet it was cold there.

There are only TEN days left in 2005. If you promised to get something done this year....get busy.

I Can't Add

Somehow when we figure graduation rates of athletes we come up with something like "95% of all athletes entering the program from 1995-2005 graduated." Somehow when the NCAA calculates it, it looks a lot more like 40%. What gives?

And just for a gender jab....all of the women actually do graduate. Like ALL of the women's basketball team graduates, and probably early too. It's just the boys that struggle. Further proof that women are smarter than us. As if you needed further proof.

Strange Time Warp

I musta entered some weird time machine and went back to the Bernie and Ernie days. I just heard that the Big Orange whupped Texas in men's basketball on Saturday. And whupped them real bad. This is the same Texas that was ranked #2 last week, and #7 when we played them.

What happened?? This isn't female basketball. This is the same Orange that has gone whole seasons without winning an SEC road game. And they whup #7 on the road in a runaway?

What's next? The star center gets arrested after crashing his car into Cas Walker's at 2am? The star forward gets arrested for stealing a VCR (maybe a DVD player now)and a flat screen tv from the athletic department?

Home Sweet Home

This here's my house as photographed by space aliens with long telephoto lenses.

It's Thursday and Time for "Sheeps"

As usual, in high definition....

I forgot....

Yesterday I told you the favorite names from Tejas an dthe great SouthWest. Today I'm gonna give you Tennessee's favorite names....and they are a little different than most states. So here are the top ten boys, then girls names from Tennessee....
Boys: Girls:
1. Elmer 1. Elmerina
2. Cecil 2. Cecilia
3. Jim 3. Jim
4. Bob 4. Mary Ann
5. Jim Bob 5. Ginger
6. Jethro 6. Barbie
7. Grandpa 7. Lucille
8. Hey you 8. Elly Mae
9. Hard Rock 9. Sissy
10. Pardner 10. Sister

Name That Young'un

Just in case you need the help...the top names for girls these days is Emma or Emily or Alyssa. For boys it ends up being Jacob or Joshua or Michael. But we Texans are different. Our top boys name doesn't follow other states trends. Only one other state had the same top boys name as us. The answer shortly.

If'n you are going to have doubles, the top boys double names are Joshua and Jacob. And folks naming twin girls called them Faith and Hope most often. I figured it would be Yin and Yang, or Thing 1 and Thing 2.

The most popular boys name in Texas (and Arizona) is Jose'. Interesting.

Toy News

Here's some fodder for talking to that other person in line at the checkout counter at Toys R Us...

Lincoln Logs were invented by Frank Lloyd Wrights son. The average kid colors 30 minutes per day. He/She also wears out about 750 crayons by the age of 10. Mr. Potato Head is not from Idaho as is commonly thought. He grew up in Oregon and only moved to Idaho when his dad had to move for a job transfer. Barbie is the same age as me. Midge colors her hair. Nobody has seen Ken for years. The 3-D ViewMaster was used to train troops during WWII. Tickle Me Elmo was the most popular toy of the 90's. Last year he starred in the Survivor WanaWattoo series. He was the first contestant voted off.

Always Entertaining...

The Houston Texans may not be particularly good, but they sure are interesting. I don't think I've ever seen a team figure out so many entertaining and interesting ways to lose. We blow 10 point leads in under a minute, we kick game winning field goals that aren't, and then we miss two field goals in the waning seconds after miracle rallies. Wow.

It's all part of our elaborate plan to get the first pick in next years draft. We have to make it look good, then lose. And we want the other teams to really know we won, then we can lose without feeling bad. Get it? It makes for an interesting sports spectacle. Stay tuned next week for our latest innovation.

Weekly Poetry

Winter has arrived,
A big cold blast came last night.
Almost it did freeze.
Holidays are coming soon
Corsicana and fruitcakes.

Thursday's edition....

It's Thursday and time for Sheeps...

New employee

We have a new employee at my worksite as of Monday. This little fella was born. We don't know whether he's a he or a she yet because his momma is a little protective. He (we think) is a Longhorn calf and I think he has a striking resemblance to BEVO, the Texas Longhorn mascot. Whaddya think?

I'm pushing for s to get some Tennessee Fainting Goats. Entertaining and they eat grass too.

Your Hub...

Anybody seen Your Hub over at KnoxNews.com? It appears to be a place where you can drill down and submit your own news for a community. One of those communities is Carter/Strawberry Plains. So far the entries apppear to be announcing Billy Bob's 5th birthday and Uncle Elmer's serious bout with colitis. But it would be interesting if it got spiced up a tad. Hmmm....

How about them Vols. I just saw where we thrashed Appy State by 8 points! WooHoo!

It's a tad chilly...

It's pretty chilly out there this morning. Get's you in the spirit doesn't it? Could be a little more spirited though. Rapid City South Dakota is expecting a high of 3 today with a low of -10. It's -2 as I write. That's a little chillier. There's a warmimg trend tomorrow , with an expected high of 6 and a low of -3.

That makes my teeth hurt.

Texas Squeaks by...

By the hair of their chinny-chin-chin Texas got by Colorado on Saturday. If not for that late fumble it would have been closer. Now it's Rose Bowl time and undefeated USC.

A lot happened on December 5th in history. Let's see...the first native U.S. president, Martin Van Buren, was born in 1782...In 1791, composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died at age 35....In 1848, President Polk started the Gold Rush of 1849 by confirming that gold had been discovered in California....Walt Disney was born...Republicans chose Newt Gingrich to be the first GOP speaker of the House in four decades in 1994.

Whew, now that's a busy day in History.

Basketball is upon us....

And strife and division has hit my household. You see, I harbor a Kentucky fan under my roof during basketball season. She rubs my face in it. This year, I told her, we're gonna beat you. As warmup we are working our way around the state. So far we have whupped Eastern Kentucky and Murray State. I hope we have Bowling Green and Morehead on our schedule too.

Speaking of real basketball...many thanks to the Lady Vols for shutting up the Longhorns last night. The Texas crowd here kept talking about 4 in a row over the Vols, about Texas' ability to handle the Vols like no other etc etc. I suppose 102-61 erases the misconception that they are on our level...

It's Time for Sheeps Again...

Best Quarterback Name

It looks like Tennessee has another quarterback to recruit to replace Jim Bob Cooter when he graduates. Look at this sentence from the Houston Chronicles coverage of the state football playoffs...

"La Porte quarterback Boogie Anagnostou took the shotgun snap from center, ran 18 yards,...."

That's right, not a nickname, but his real name is Boogie. Unfortunately Boogies team lost last weekend so there won't be a state championship for him.

The purge begins

I see where we are going back to the future with David Cutcliffe. I heard we were also trying to re-sign Peyton Manning.

Next up: asking the Governor for clemency for three wide receivers we lost....

Best Laid Plans

OK, so we didn't get up there for Thanksgiving. Hopefully we will make it for Christmas. My better half fell down the stairs before we left so we had to stay here nursing her bumps and bruises. No stair climbing til after Christmas.

I see the Big Orange purge has begun. I wonder how the quarterback situation will flesh out before next year.

Pilgrim Hats

Looking forward to Thanksgiving and seeing everybody. No hotels at all are available in the New Orleans, Hattiesburg, Laurel Mississppii area. None. So we'll be shacking up with the friends that stayed here after Katrina. That'll work just fine and it'll be great to see them too.

Instead of writing a bunch, I'll just hope to see you next week....

Winter Arrives

I assume everyone has experienced the big cold front that blew thru yesterday and last night. 'Cept here in Texas, it's still blowing. The wind howled all night and continues to blow with great force this morning. We have some bushes outside our bedroom window that slap the window everytime the wind blows hard. Thats all I heard all night, slap, slap, slap. I'll have to find time to take a nap at work today....

And it's cold. Well colder anyway. It sure gets you started into the Holiday mood. Makes me start thinking of all the gifts I want for Christmas. That's the spirit!

Bowling???!!!

Word on the street in Houston is that the Big Orange is going to the Music City Bowl in Nashville to play some Gophers.

Gophers??? We can't find a more ferocious foe than that? No Wolverines? No Gators? No Wildcats????

You know you've sunk real low when you can't even travel out of your own state and you have to play Gophers. Here's hoping they don't beat us....

NIce Job

Way to go Big Orange! Tennessee destroyed Memphis over the weekend. It wasn't on the tube down here but we whupped them bad, right?! Of course we did!

The Texans gave the Colts everything they wanted before succumbing 31-14. The fact that we actually scored twice is amazing. We had one game this year that, when you count lost yards on sacks, we gained a net of 7 yards the whole game. So two touchdowns is a big whoop!

Preparing to head North for Thanksgiving. Searching for heavy sweaters in the closets somewhere. Looking for old snowshoes. Skiis are around here somewhere. Wool, where's my wool???

Thanksgiving

La familia will be coming to Tennessee for Thanksgiving. We would like to see a gorgeous Fall leaf changing. We would also like a foot of snow for one day to play in. It would be nice to hike up House Mountain on a crisp morning. A Thanksgiving hike would also be nice. This year we would like for it not to involve death defying events. Please, no rabid dogs, no 70mph hayride, and no tumbles into abandoned quarries. My wife would like the road up Mount Blanc straightened. And better Blackberry reception at Ma and Pa Kettles house would make my work go easier.

Thanks....

I'm not buying anything there...

Halloween is barely over and already Christmas stuff is up in the stores. I've seen Christmas trees, holly, wreaths, etc. including fake snow. I know it was fake because it was 87 degrees here yesterday. Do you know how frustrating it is to see Santa in the store when I still have skulls and graveyards from Halloween in my front yard?

I've vowed not to shop at stores that put out their Christmas stuff prior to Halloween. Right now it looks like I'll be buying stuff at Walgreens and the used book store.

Met a lady at work yesterday from Knoxville. It was funny cause she was making a pitch to me, describing her company etc etc. I asked her where she went to school and she said Doyle. I told her I grew up in Knoxville on the East Side and she said "I bet you went to Carter". Her buddy with her was from Fountain City. We quit talking about work mostly and just gabbed.

I brought up the Big Orange and was sorry I did. I could tell it was very painful for them both.

Alcoa Struggles but Prevails

Alcoa had to overcome a lot of mental mistakes and miscues but managed to recover from a lackluster start to prevail over Gatlinburg-Pittman 91-7 in the first round of the playoffs. What? 91-7? Yep, that's right, 91-7. Score at halftime was 70-0 Alcoa.

The big question is...how do you manage to be good enough to make the playoffs, yet bad enough to lose by more than 80 points? Parity?

Carter battled hard but lost and their now out. A 9-2 season is something to be proud of.

And I found out Jim Bob Cooter hails from Fayetteville Tennessee. Figures. I want to see him throw a pass. It looks doubtful we'll have a large enough lead on anybody for him to see action.

Go Vols Beat Irish

A win against Notre Dame sure would make everyone feel a ot better. So much better in fact, that I'm predicting it will happen. Watch the Vols grind one out 14-7.

CN closes it's season against Wingate. Will they make the playoffs?

I'm out of pocket in meetings today, they are brutal. Donuts are good though.....

It Could Be Worse

Remember our Cotton Bowl friends from last year? They are at 5-3 and still looking for one more win to be bowl eligible this year. Yep, Texas A&M hasn't had a very good year. But who do we have left? Oh yeah, the green muchkins from Notre Dame, Kentucky and Vandy. Who does Texas A&M have left? Let see...they go to Texas Tech this weekend..ouch.....then travel to Oklahoma next weekend...ouch....then host Texas the following weekend....ouch..ouch.

Here's hoping we get a couple of more wins, then become the last team in the SEC to qualify for a bowl. Then the SEC finally upholds it's committment to send somebody to the Houston Bowl! The Big Orange in the Houston Bowl against anybody!

Halloween Fun

It rained like crazy on our Halloween. Thunder, lightning, hail, everything. Fortunately it passed with about thirty minutes to go so the kids got out a little. But I'm left with the bucket of candy dilema. Eat it all myself? Take it to work? Feed it to my own children?

My wife buys enough candy to feed all of New Zealand. It's good stuff too. Minature candy bars, snickers, M&M's, Bones, Tootsie Pops etc. Can't throw it away.

I suppose it's worth another trip to the dentist or two.....

'Bout Time!

Looks like Randy Sanders will be replaced as offensive coordinator for the Big Orange. I thought it was long overdue. He threw that interception in the LSU game, fumbled the ball into the endzone three times in the last two games, and he couldn't even hit one of his backs on a swing pass against South Carolina. Yep, it's his fault.

Hey, is that Cutcliffe guy still around?

Strange Headline

More evidence that the liberal media is out of touch.... Check out this headline from MSNBC today:

"Texas pastor electrocuted during baptism
Accident occured when 33-year-old priest reached for a microphone"

It goes on to talk about how he waded into the waist-deep baptistry at University Baptist of Waco when he was electrocuted as he grabbed a microphone. A horrible accident. But....

A Baptist priest? I think not.

When good contests go bad...

Organizers of the "kick a field goal at halftime, win a million bucks" had to be feeling pretty good. They had yanked Average Joe out of the stands of the CFL game at halftime and given him his chore. Try a 20 yard field goal, then a 30 yard field goal, then a 40, and finally...if he hit the 50 yard field goal it was worth a million bucks. The shorter kicks were all worth different amounts of cash.

So Average Joe (played a little soccer in his day) tried the 20 yard field goal. Kick was short right. AJ tried the 30 yarder, short right. Back up ten and try the 40 yarder. Still short, still right.

Tee it up from 50 out. (Think kick it harder, aim farther left). Kicks...nails it down the middle, pockets $1 million bucks. According to AJ, he was thinking he just needed to try and kick it wide left and let it drift back right. And it did.

In aint over til it's...wait...it's over.

Parking at the World Series....$175
Two tickets to the big game....$2,000
Not having to spend winter in Chicago....priceless.

Now we can get back to other things down here in Texas. Like sleeping....

Now We're Hacked

Ok, so now we're really mad. Now you've done it. You won game three (ended about 15 minutes ago) in dramatic fashion to take an 0-3 lead in the World Series. But don't forget our history. We started this state with some pretty dramatic losses. We got our hiney kicked at the Alamo. We got double-hiney kicked at Goliad. But we didn't quit. No siree Bob. We hung in there. We scrapped and scraped and scrapped some more. And then, in eighteen dramatic minutes, we whupped the enemy at San Jacinto so bad that it was over in a lightning bolt.

So don't give up on us yet. Backe pitches to a big win tonight and then we're on our way. Davy Crockett hits a pitch hit homerun in the eighth inning to win it.

Deep in The Heart

At the 7th inning stretch tonight...in the first ever World Series game in Texas...you'll hear "Take me out to the ballgame"....you'll also hear "God Bless America"...BUT....you'll really hear "Deep in the Heart of Texas" when the crowd belts it out super loud. And I mean REALLY loud. It's a special tradition we have down here in cowboy land. And it makes the 7th inning stretch last about 45 minutes.

Oswalt will be on the mound. Can Roy Wonder pitch a no hitter? Tune in tonight at 7 middle and see....

West Yellowstone News

Don't you just love police with a sense of humour? Here's the lastest and bestest police report as cited in the West Yellowstone Newspaper....

"-- A tractor trailer hit a moose on Highway 20, near the South Fork. Both parties lost a lot of fluids. The truck's were eventually replaced, but the moose's couldn't be."

And Then Again...

OK, so I missed a few predictions...ok all of them. If you betted according to me this past weekend you'd be wearing a barrel to work today. The Orange looked really good. All except that losing part. they just couldn't get the ball in the endzone. Something drastic needs to happen with the offense. The defense is generally awesome. Alabama isn't that good.

And the Astros are alright. They've been through the last minute homer thingie before. They'll be playing at home tomorrow and we're still looking forward to it. Oswalt will be pitching, a good thing.

Sic 'em boys!

Our Mayor has declared this weekend is officially "NO SOCKS" weekend (starting today) so if you've got socks on get rid of them. Nobody is allowed to acknowledge socks all weekend. Monday will be "I got blisters" day.

Roger pitches a three hitter, Lidge closes, Astros win Game 1 3-1. Then Pettite has an excellent day, Burke homers, Lidge closes on a 4-0 victory on Sunday. 'Stros up 2-0 after the weekend.

The ROT handles the Red Elephants with ease (suprisingly) 31-7. And the upset special of the week: Red Raiders invade Austin, feetballs fly thru the air in huge numbers. Longhorn secondary players collapse from exhaustion. Texas Tech throws a last second touchdown that upsets the Horns in a huge offensive battle 56-48. Wow!

World Series!

Yahoo! Yeehaw! WooHoo! Whoopee! Boy Howdy! Hoowee! Wahoo! Hooty Hoot! Ooh La La! YowZee! YowZah! Wowee Ka Zowee! YahooboozleKaZoozleLahWowaHoot!

Told ya! What a great game by Roy Wonder and we actually scored a few runs!

No Sweat

Don't be nervous about Alabama this weekend, I feel real good about it. I think the Big Orange is in for a huge win and a real offensive show. So relax and enjoy it.

I've got to check all of the feetball standings and scores so I can give you a mid-season update. I was optimistic at the start of the season about being able to comment on all games each weekend. But there is not one source that covers both Fayette County high school, MTSU, UT Chatt, Morehead State, CN, UT and Carter. It'd be nice to push one button and have all those scores pop up. Alas, it takes a whole bunch of buttons to pull it off so I've been remiss. But look for a mid-season update soon.

If you want, you can give me a dump truck full of money and I'd quit my day job and provide the updates.... Not holding my breath by the way. Go Vols.

Take Your Pick

Todays' post is multiple choice. I couldn't decide which one to pick. So I decided to let you, the knowledgeable reader, select. Herewith they are:

1. Ouch

2. Unbelieveable. First the evacuation crapola and now this!!!??? Send the locusts now and put us out of our misery!!!

3. Hey, I fell asleep last night and missed the game. Anybody catch the score?


As Yogi Bear said it once...It ain't over til it's over...

Astros Fever

Tonights the night when we clinch our first ever World Series trip. Houston is majorly pumped about it. Unlike other cities, we don't burn down our town to show happiness either. We just holler "Yeehaw"! and grin goofily for days.

My high school Alma Tomater is 8-0 heading into a showdown with last years State Champion Fulton this friday. The Carter Green Hornets beat Gibbs 35-0 to go to 8-0. The paper said Gibbs was fighting for a playoff spot still. Their record is 2-6. Somethings awful wrong when you can be 2-6 and still playoff eligible. Somethings either wrong, or your in the NHL.

Chris Burke Update

He's fixin' to be named NLCS MVP just as soon as the Astros can finish off the Cards. Chris Burke whacked a triple that was nothing but real hustle last night. We'll forgive his goofy non-catch in left field cause Reggie Sanders had a worse one. Don't you just wish that instead of acting hurt when they goof up embarrassingly that major leaguers would just get up and play? Sanders acted like he was mortally wounded after he tripped over his own shoelaces, dropped the ball and fell on his hiney. Hey Reggie, it's happened to everybody. Just get up. We understand.

Go 'Stros.

Today's Sheeps....

Passed Ball Nightmare

OK, so the Astros got beat in Game 1. That happens. But what shouldn't happen is that the umpire makes a goofus call after three outs in the bottom of the ninth that costs you the game. That's exactly what happened to the Angels last night. A non-passed ball became a runner, who got driven in by the next batter for the win.

As an ump, how do you make that call? Even after you made it you should recognize that it's a goofus call and overturn yourself. You cost the Angels a game on a call I wouldn't make in Little League.

And speaking of Angels. What in the heck is "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim?". I know I know....you had to put Los Angeles in there, even though you don't play in Los Angeles, just to try and get more bucks somehow. And I know the New York Giants don't play in New York either. BUT...I'm cheering against you just cause you have a goofus name. So you probably deserved the passed ball call as penance.

Here's hoping the Chicago White Sox of Chicago whup you. And then the Houston Astros of Houston will beat them in the World Series.

Strange Letter to the Editor

Uh...sometimes you don't know what folks were really thinking when they write letters to the editor. This poor fellow was caught up in that cockfight bust in Cocke County a while back. He has some....interesting....thoughts on the subject.

Go here

If'n you can't read it cause it requires a i.d. or something, then look in today's Knoxville News Sentinel. If'n you don't get the News Sentinel, trust me it's strange...

And of course...Go Astros.

Thank You Chris Burke

I know ya'll love the Braves but how about that Tennessee product Chris Burke hitting the winning homer in the 18th inning! A back to back double header with no break in between.

Now for my gripe. All of the papers and announcers have been calling it a "walkoff" homer. I don't know what that means. It used to mean a home run that was hit so far that you walked down to first base as you watched it go over the wall. Burke's homer landed about two rows deep, which is not far enough to casually watch it as you walk to first base. Every homer that goes over the fence these days is a "walkoff" homer according to the news media. Just because it isn't "walkoff" doesn't mean it wasn't great either.

So get off this "walkoff" kick. Two rows deep ain't it. Hit the train tracks and you can walk.

AAAARGH....

The hotel Internet thingie was supposed to work, but it didn't. Irritating. Oh well, got to see Brother Don and his better half.

Look for the Big Orange to roll this week. At my meeting in the Nations Capital this past week, one of the participants from Florida was a Georgia Bulldog in disguise. He had his cell phone ringer set on the Georgia Fight Song for my benefit. He would let it ring once a day just for me. I'm going to e-mail him on Saturday when we wrap it up so he knows I haven't forgotten. Please win.

Getting Darker Sooner

I don't know about where you live but in my parts its getting darker a lot
earlier than just a week ago. I thought our elected officials were going to
put a stop to that? Didn't they pass a bill this summer requiring the sun to
stay up longer? We need to hold their feet to the fire.

I'm getting my hdtv hooked up this week. It was delayed because of hurricane
Rita. Finally I will be entering the 20th century and getting out of the tv
maseozoic era.

Poor Georgia...

It should be a sad week in Georgia as the Astros sweep the Braves and the Real Orange Team whups the Dawgs. The Big Orange musta looked ok on Saturday even though I didn't get to see it. I saw two plays on ESPN. Someday I'll get ESPN gameplan and/or all of the games will be broadcast on Universities own systems. This week I get to see on CBS. Please, not Musburger!

Astros won the wild card on the last day of the season and might surprise some folks in postseason. Clemons, Pettite and Oswalt, with Lights Out Lidge as closer. If we can buy a run we have a chance. I know the Jeff City crowd is behind us, particularly one Biggio wearing girl.

And this morning I got to experience another Texas legend. This is Red River Shootout week, culminated by Texas-OU at the Cotton Bowl on Saturday. For myself, I took the garbage out this morning and proceeded to somehow cover myself in fire ants in the process. None of them bites til one of them bites. Then they all bite in unison. Pesky little critters.

I'm on the road this week, expect odd reporting (if that isn't already your expectation).

Thursday Sheeps...

How Prepared Are You?

No, not for a hurricane or anything like that. I'm talking about the announcer Bob Davies at the UT/LSU game. He kept mispronouncing Rick Clausen's name. I know his last name is "Davies" not "Davis", why can't he figure out Clausen's name? I mean, that's his job isn't it? Why didn't someone whisper in his ear the first time he said it wrong? It got very, very irritating by the end of the game. It's "Kla-sun" not "Klow-son".

Almost as irritating was Geraldo covering Rita when he talked about being at the Sabine Pass. He said "Sa-bine'" like it looks but it's pronounced "Suh-been". Surely someone on his staff knows how it's pronounced. Its not a big deal, but it makes you wonder about whether they did their homework on other things too.

That's the end of today's English lesson. Adios.

Best Evacuation Story So Far....

Here's the best story I heard on evacuations so far....

"Let me begin with Noah's Ark leaving NASA Rd. 1. Noah's Ark is what we called our convoy of 4 vehicles. 8 people and 9 pets (3 ferrets, 3 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 chinchilla) set out for a lovely ride into the countryside. But wait….everyone else had the same idea. It took our little convoy from 5pm Wednesday to 3pm Friday to get to Dallas.

Their was yelling and screaming all along the way. We stopped for the night at a gas station in Conroe. Luckily we found a pump free and we parked in it till the gas station opened the next morning. We saw a McDonald's 1/2 a mile away and decided to walk (as to not lose our place in line) to get some food. We arrived only to see that the drive thru line was the only way to get food as it was about 1am. They would not let walk-ups order so we walked back and got the last car in line at the pump to go retrieve food. As you would expect the line was long. We finally got our order after waiting 1 1/2 hours, and oh yeah it was all wrong of course. We asked for our correct order and they told us we would have to go back in line to order again.

We walked back to our Ark and split the food as best we could. Finally we got some sleep at about 3am. At 5am the police had to escort a tanker of gas to fill up the gas station. They yelled for everyone to get up and clear the parking lot to get the tanker in. Yep you guessed it we lost the perfect spot in line. By the time the stationed opened there had to have been at least 500 people waiting to get gas. Most of the people were walk-ups holding anything that would hold gas. As soon as the station opened the walk-ups swarmed the pumps and all went into chaos. The Police broke up fights and arrests were made. Finally some order was found and we received gas and were on our way again.

After 46 hours of driving and (language deleted) on every tree, bush and curb we could find we finally made it to our destination. The smell of all the animals, trash, and ourselves in our vehicles nearly knocked us unconscious for the next 2 days. Then it was the trip home to worry about. Happily the trip home only came out to be 9 hours. I will never complain about traffic again.

Wow...

Made it home yetserday in time to see UT vs LSU. Wow. Oh, and by the way, I lost three window screens, some banana trees, and all the leaves off one crepe myrtle. That's it.

And I do think Eric Ainge can be a better quarterback but that was an awful first half he had. Clausen did what needed to be done. He played a ton smarter than Ainge, didn't make big mistakes and led us to an incredible victory. We looked pitiful in the first half but it was really the offense's fault. I though our defense looked pretty good again.

I was ready for us to crumble a number of times but we didn't. By the way, what was Ainge thinking on that sling out of the endzone????

We'll, at least my homecoming worked out ok. That game may have salvaged the season.

Whew....

So the storm went east and we were spared mostly. Now I'm facing the traffic nightmare home. Today seemed ok for the folks that braved it. Tomorrow (Sunday) is figured to be the day to dread. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wait til Monday to head home. That way I can see the Big Orange and LSU on my own TV.

The succesful people from San Antonio today went south to Corpus Christi, then headed north to Houston. That's kinda like going to Knoxville from Chattanooga by going thru Nashville. Not exactly a direct route, but it was moving. Gas is another thing you always assume will be available. Not so in Houston. Yesterday there was none to be found. Today stations are starting to open. Imagine not being able to find a gas station with gas in all of Knoxville, nor anywhere between Knoxville and Chattanooga. Now imagine Knoxville isn't 400,000 people, it's 4 million people and the 4th largest city in the U.S. The 4th largest city in the US and no gas at all. Quite incredible.

The stories from the evacuation are really sad, weird and strange. One fella headed towards Dallas, got stuck in traffic for 24 hours, ran out gas and slept in his car. The next morning folks from the closest town brougght him scrambled eggs and gas. Then his alternator went out. His son then drove down from Dallas and picked him uo and they both went back to Houston. 39 total hours straight in his car.

One friend that arrived at the hotel here with us spoke of having to stop on the interstate and pee in the woods along with thousands more since no stores or gas stations were open. Fun.

It could be worse. The storm could've actually hit us. We're thankful.

Feeling Better

Lots and lots of folks are stuck on the freeway. A friend left his house at 8pm last night and he still wasn't out of Houston at noon today. Gas lines are three hours long. Folks are running out of gas and walking.

The storm jogged a little north which means a lot better situation for me. Instead of a category 5 it appears I will get more like a 1 or 2 at the house.

Our riedout team at work abandoned ship. Another local fireman I talked to yesterday said that the Astrodome was their Alamo. Which meant as the storm grew bigger and they decided to abandon ship they were supposed to make their way to the Dome.

Glad I'm in San Antonio.

Evacuated

I'm in San Antonio in a hotel with family and doing fine. The storm has taken a bad turn and is headed for Galveston. Hopefully it moves again before it hits. It doesn't look real good right now but lots can change before tomorrow night. We did our best with closing up the house but it wont be pretty if it stays a category 5 and keeps the same track.

Wait and see.

Full Panic Mode

Even though it's not forecast to hit land til Friday, everyone is already in full panic mode over Hurricane Rita. All of the water has been bought, batteries are gone, and gas tanks are full. The forecast calls for a direct hit on Galveston. That's actually good news right now. Why?

The very long range forecast always changes. You just never want to be a little east or west of the long range target. There's always a little jog north, or left, or across or up, that catches everyone by surprise. So if you are in the crosshairs early you're pretty safe late.

At least that's what I'm banking on.

Big News in Knoxville

Yep, you heard it here first. Momma won a big TV in a drawing held at a new mortuary. Now let's examine that a little...

First, when have you ever heard of a new mortuary holdng an open house and giving away prizes? Is it normal to have a party at a mortuary? "Come on in and stay awhile????" Do they serve food? What were some of the other prizes? Season passes?

Secondly, who would go to one of these events? I've never been invited to one, but not real sure I'd go if asked. How bored do you have to be to go to an open house at a new mortuary? Was the local paint drying competition too expensive a ticket?

Third, don't look a gift horse. Momma's old TV was not black and white, but was what they call First Generation Color. It only had two colors...yellow and blue. Boise States home field looked fine, but everybody else looked like they were playing in Idaho too. So I don't know why she attended the mortuary party but I'm glad she went, and made it back out.

New TV. WooHoo! Anybody know of any other new funeral homes opening???

Their meese should have better morals...

Don't Fence Me In...

Lumber shortage???....or used ski glut???

Look for me on TV!

I never knew I could obligate myself so much just by walking down the sidewalk. Hopefully it'll be my big break.

It's time for "Sheeps"...

Analyzing the Sagarin Ratings

Just checking on the Jeff Sagarin feetball ratings for our favorite teams. The Big Orange comes in at number 7 (out of 240). Texas is nine. That's weird, but no weirder than Georgia Tech being 5. MTSU comes in a respectable 132, and Chattanooga is 2-0 and resides at number 167. My favorite Houston is 97th. And poor, poor Morehead State comes in at 224.

Oddly, Penn State is 64th. That might not sound too out of whack since they haven't been particularly good lately. But it puts them behind football powerhouses Toledo (47th) and Bowling Green (57th). It also sinks them behind Baylor (50th). Baylor for goodness sakes.

If the Big Orange ever falls below Baylor, I'll convert to Catholicism and cheer for Notre Dame. Honest. And I'll learn the real way to spell Catholicism too.

Post from afar

I'm in Utah this week and its cold. That's right, its cold. Its a strange
feeling to be in the upper 90's one day and awake in the 50's the next. Its
not bad mind you, just strange.

This weekend is a big one for the big orange. Win and you are on your way,
lose and you fall back into the pack of almosts. One game sets the stage for
the rest of the season. But, that's what makes colllege feetball unique and
great. Each week is do or die in the race to be champions. Its awesome. Now
if we can just beat Florida.

Go Horns

Most of the state of Texas is happy this morning. The part that cares whether Texas beats Ohio State is real happy. The part (and it is small) that cared whether TCU beat SMU is not happy. TCU beats Oklahoma in Norman one week then loses to SMU? Odd.

But the Longhorns looked real good.

My home high school alma tomater is 3-0 and really hot. If we can get the Vols psyched up to beat the Gators this weekend, life will be real good.

I'll be posting remotely this week so posts may be spotty. Just warning you in case you count on this info to brighten up your mornings....

Burnt Orange Weekend

The Real Orange Team rests this weekend while the Burnt Orange folks down here in Texasland are very nervous. They travel to Ohio State for the premier Saturday night game. They believe this is the big year for them and it should be. This weekend is their Florida, since Oklahoma looks to be down a little.

So please cheer for Texas cause life will be miserable if they lose.

Big Weekend Upcoming

This weekend is opening day for the local soccer season. With all of my high school (none) and college experience (none) I find myself the coach of an 8 year old girls team. We've had a pretty good team the last couple of years, notwithstanding the coaching. My coaching philosophy is to try and influence the play on the field (excuse me, the pitch) through extrememly loud constant yelling.

Occasionally this works. Occasionally it makes the girls cry. Frequently it makes me hoarse. I haven't found any other theories yet that work better. Of course we practice stuff, but that never seems to make it to the actual game.

I am trying one new innovation this year. Since most of the good soccer is played by teams that speak Spanish, I now communicate my shouted instructions in Spanish. I told the girls it sounds more like real soccer, and maybe it would intimidate other teams that didn't speak Spanish. So now I scream "UNDULAY UNDULAY, CRUSA CRUSA!" from the sidelines and they ignore me in two languages.

The Real Orange Team Impressive?

I heard from my scouts saturday that the game with UAB was an exciting game. That's not necessarily good. It should have been a blowout. At least the ROT has a week off before Florida. Also heard Clausen has been tapped to be the starter. I suppose Ainge needs a little more seasoning and isn't going to be another immediate Peyton Manning.

Morehead State won, but I haven't checked yet on Chattanooga or CN. Let's assume they won and we're all undefeated so far. Better dumb and happy than informed and miserable.

And I was succesful enough on the virus or spyware to be able to post again. I will attack it again tonight with other programs. Wish me luck.

2 Things...

Looks like people who want to sell things to other people find my site informative and interesting. Check out the 5 comments a couple of days ago. Interesting twist.

And, last Friday I did a one day trip to Mississippi. Lots and lots of trees down, telephone poles, water everywhere, shingles everywhere, trash everywhere etc. And that was in an area that wasn't damaged that much.

And you know how poor the people of Mississippi were?....they're a lot poorer now.

Weekly Activity Report

Katrina stirred up a mess,
refugees galore.
Cleanup efforts begin now.
Tennessee over UAB
Is how I see us starting.

P.S. Good news. We got eyeballs on her townhome yesterday and it is still standing, albeit in unknown condition. Standing is good. No trees exist. Girl got enrolled in our school. Just takes time now.

Thursday and "Sheeps"...

On a serious note..

As many of you have heard, we have a couple of New Orleaners staying at our house. One of my other half's college buddies and her daughter are here. They arrived the Friday before the storm after much indecision. We convinced them to come on over (6 hour trip) just so they wouldn't have to worry about the storm. They live in a townhome on the shore of Lake Ponchatrain at the mouth of the Tchefuncte River. It's on the North side of Ponchatrain in Madisonville, Louisiana. It was an excellent decision to leave on Friday.

So far, she's been able to contact friends in Lafayette sporadically, but hasn't been able to hear squat about how her neighborhood fared. From the internet we've ascertained that perhaps the flooding wasn't as bad on the north side of the lake. We're hoping friends from Lafayette will be able to sneak in and take a glance at her townhome just to get an idea of how it looks.

I contemplated making a run with her this weekend, but still the roads are iffy. There's no gas, no electricity, no food or water. You'd have to gas up somewhere like Baton Rouge (after a 5 hour trip), go into Madisonville (if you can), look around, sleep in the truck most likely (no hotels) depending on how the townhouse looked, and then head back the next day. A tough long trip with iffy possibilities. Officially, her Parish is closed, so I don't know even if you'd be allowed to drive in.

Here in Houston, the refugees are arriving in droves. Hotels are all full, shelters are packed, new shelters open constantly (like the Astrodome), and lots of people have houseguests. We are working with our two other work locations and are only able to contact them through satellite phones.

Our guests are fine, except for livng with the constant worry of how things are or might be. And her two cats are a source of constant entertainment.

It's an immense tragedy. Immense.

That's Not Funny...

I had Spanish class yesterday and we had a contest. You had to listen to a word (palabra), spell it (letras) and then state what it means (significa). One of the first words was "ananajandra" (orange). I raised my hand and stated Yo Sabe Significa. The teacher asked me how I knew what it meant and I stated cause I was "El Ananajandra Grande" (you guessed it..the Big Orange).

Well, she thought me calling myself the big orange was rather funny and figured I was a little confused. She repeated her question with a smirk and I repeated my answer. Then she said are you sure. I said si'.

Finally, someone else in the class figured it out and said it in English and then the teacher figured it out. I suppose she didn't think I could be that clever cause usually I was "finale muerto" (dead last) in all the contests.

Stormy Monday

Thinking of folks along the coast fixin to get pasted by Katrina. We have a site right where the eye is going, and I'm hosting friends from New Orleans who bailed day before yesterday.

Unrelated, we had a festival this weekend and got hit by a microburst. It looked like Godzilla stomped on our little canopies.

The Week in Poetry...

Lance accused of using drugs,
He claims there's no truth.
French test fluid from ninety-nine.
Monsuier, who can you believe?
A Texan, or the French? C'mon!

Today's "Sheeps"...

Tomorrow...tomorrow...

(Think Annie when your reading the title...) High school football kicks off everywheres in large fashion tomorrow night. I usually take the litlle ones to a high school game each Friday as a way of giving the other half a break (I'm so thoughtful) and also a way of getting my live football fix. Unfortunately, my local school Clear Creek is a basketball powerhouse. Not that they wouldn't be awesome in your neighborhood it's just that our local feetball scene is pretty competitive.

For instance...if you want your kid to play feetball before junior high you have to get up in the morning around 2am and go wait in line to sign up. Some camp out. All of the little league feetball teams and junior high teams are required to run the same offense as the high school teams so as to be fully versed in the schemes when they hit the high school scene. That's why a high school coaching change is a big deal.

The stadium seats about 12,000 and has artificial turf. The new kind that looks like real grass. Three teams use the stadium...Clear Creek, Clear Lake, and Clear Brook. All are in the same district. So you can have a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night game on the same weekend. The district below us (south) includes powerhouses La Marque and Texas City.

In our playoff scheme we have large 5A and small 5A. Your district champion goes to the large playoff and the runner-up goes to the small 5a playoff. So you have two state champions in 5a. In the district below us, LaMarque beat Texas City (Texas City's only loss) and LaMarque went big and Texas City went small. Both went on to win State Championships. So two teams, half a mile apart, were able to whup the whole rest of the state.

Anyway, it should be fun (at least until Texas City and LaMarque show up on the schedule).

Ranks...

Well, Lincoln County's encounter with Franklin was not exactly a success. 50 something to a lot less than 50 something was the final. But I believe Franklin was state runnerup last year so it was a tough game. This week will be much better.

The Big Orange, on the other hand, is ranked third in the country in college feetball and 13th in the country as a party school. How can a dry campus be 13th in party? Somebody's not following the rules.....

But the biggest news today is...Tennessee is 5th in the nation in obesity! WooHoo! The Big (no pun intended) Orange trails the country's fattest state Mississississippippi.

Alabama, Louisiana and West Virginnny are close behind the Rebels. C'mon, we can do better than fifth! Eat 'Mo Possum! Eat 'Mo Fried Possum, with gravy.

High Expectations

Now you are going to expect me to post scores from Friday Night Football games. I hate it when I obligate my self like that...

West Yellowstone shenanigans.....

The time is near...

Football at many levels kicks off (pun intended) this weekend. I only have 4 days to purchase, install, test drive, and calibrate a new tv. I've been searching and searching for the perfect tv but can't seem to pull the trigger when it counts.

Is it LCD flat screen? Plasma? Rear projection flat screen? Overhead projector? Or tubular? There are way too many options for the average person to figure out. Maybe I'll just close my eyes and point to the latest circuit city ad.

Here's hoping I can get it up and running before the weekend.

The week in Tanka...

Madonna broke her
Bones, fell off her horse who cares?
Big Orange football is
Cranking up to fever pitch!
At least til we lose a game.

The one you've been waiting for...

BIg Orange football is ranked third in the country behind USC and Texas. Eric Ainge, an awesome defensive line, Gerald Riggs etc etc have rightfully staked their claim to greatness. No sense going into a lot of detail about it but there is only one issue to overcome this year. The schedule stinks. Too many big away games.

But...I see a team that squeaks by a couple of big games, gets a little lucky, and then gets invited to the Rose Bowl as a big underdog, a lucky team, an undeserving team,....to play USC for the National Championship. Texas will have lost to Oklahoma to knock them out of the picture.

And how do we do in the big game? A blowout win by the Big Orange when we show the left coast that beating an SEC Team is a lot different than beating teams with killer nicknames like "Ducks" and "Cardinal" (no S, it's the color not the bird).

So sit back and enjoy another National Championship ride. Go Vols.

Morehead State University

The MSU Eagles, three time Pioneer Football League South Division Champions, face a tough, tough schedule this year. They play three South Division foes and three North Division foes. The big game this year will be homecoming on October 15th when arch rival Austin Peay comes to town.

Expect big things from the Eagles who are rated 8th in the pre-season Mid-Major poll, rebounding from last years disappointing 6-6 finish. Passing, running and punting will be much improved and blocking might even be a little better.

When asked for a quote on this year's prospects my other half replied "You know Phil Simms don't you? He played at Morehead when I went there. I used to see him walking to class. Nobody really thought he was that good. We weren't real good at football. He's very famous you know. And he went to Morehead." When pressed for a comment on this year's prospects, or other players who've played at MSU, she continued "Phil Simms played for the Giants. You know him don't you? He was probably the best quarterback ever in the NFL don't you think? He's an announcer now you know...."

Go Eagles.

This week's "Sheeps"...

Muhr-Vul Rebels

One of my scouts reported in yesterday, and chastised me for missing out on the Maryville Rebels. Well, I hadn't fininshed all of my high school reports yet and I was going to get to them eventually. I promise. So here goes....

Muhr-Vul beats Aluminum Foil again this year, and then goes on and wins another state championship. No matter what you hear about new coaches, or no experience, or crabgrass on their home field, they will still win it all. Like usual. Ho-hum.

The big thing they've got going for them this year????? Carter has moved out of their district. So no worries about the Green Bees upsetting them. Could life be any easier for the Rebs?

Carter High Green Hornets

Poised to capture the division crown this year, the Green Hornets open against South-Doyle on August 26th. In a stunning development, they will not be playing North-Doyle at all. The ground game and passing game is much improved from last year and the insertion of the single wing offense should confuse opponents and entertain grandfathers.

There is one back-to-back nightmare in the schedule. September 9th is a game against Cocke County. No word on how many fans were caught up in the recent chicken fighting scandal. Then it's on to Pigeon Forge and the Fightin' Pigeons. Both should be tough, tough games and a real test of our team.

Could it be a 3a Crown for the big Green this year? A State Title perhaps? Stay tuned....

My baby wrote me a letter....

I drove by Lance Armstrong's house yesterday. He gets lots of fan mail....

Lincoln County Falcon Preview

The Falcons of Fayetteville Tennessee should have an exceptional year and rise to the top of their conference. Opening on August 19th against Franklin High should not be a problem since Lincoln County looks much improved on offense and defense this year. The multi-quarterback system, and tough defensive line should provide plenty of balance. The stadium is nicknamed "The Pit" which also scares the beejeebus out of opponents.

The first big test will be on TV when the Falcons travel to Murfreesboro to play Riverdale in mid-September. Mark it on your calendar.

As always, Lincoln County Falcon football can be heard on The Falcon Radio Network. Jack Atchley along with Don “Worm” Dickey, Donnie Honey, and Shawn Honey (now that's a stellar lineup of announcers!) will cover all the action. Remember to get the latest updates by going to www.lincolncountyfalcons.com or tuning in to WYTM 105.5-FM.

Falcon Football is brought to you by the good folks at Fayetteville Public Utilities, providing incandescent lighting to rural outhouses since 1935.

Especially funny today...

Carson-Newman Football Preview

The high flying screamin' Eagles are well poised to win the South Atlantic Conference again this year. Pre-season polls had them ranked first by everybody. Catawba (what a name for a school) was a distant second. CN should have the usual crushing ground game and adds some high flying receivers this year.

Season opens on CSS TV August 27th against Shaw, whoever that is.

The only dark spot in this season will be whether CN has to play their home games at Carter Municipal Stadium since Burke-Tarr stadium is only about half finished and the end of August is fast approaching. Lawn chairs might be a good accessory for this years games. Hopefully they'll pick up the pace and get that stadium finished (and allow a little time for the concrete work to cure).

Go Eagles, easily the class act of their conference.

Middle Tennessee State U Football Preview

Look for exciting things this year out of Blue Raider football. I expect a high flying passing offense coupled with a low flying passing defense. They should be able to easily win the Sun Belt conference. In fact, they might do pretty good in the SEC if they beat Alabama September 3rd and Vanderbilt on October 1st. The Crimson Tide will be a great barometer right out of the box.

MTSU is located one mile from the geographic center of Tennessee. So it really should be alled RCTTMTSU (Real Close to the Middle Tenn State U).

First in the Sun Belt, best team in the middle of Tennessee.

University of Chattanooga Mocs Football Preview

The good news last year for the Moccasins was an offense that averaged 30 points a game. The bad news was a defense that allowed nearly 50 points a game. All of that imbalance resulted in a 2 win season. This year things are going to be much different. They've added artificial turf to their pretty stadium, they've transferred in a bunch of fellas who didn't quite work out at other programs, and they are actually going to try and run the ball a little.

WHAT? Run the ball? Yep, control the clock a little, rest the defense a little, and score a few less. But, the goal is to get "points allowed" stat down to below 20 and keep the "points scored" stat nearer 30. And reverse the 2-9 record to about 9-2. Can they do it? Yep. Tennessee Tech will be a good opening barometer on September 3rd, and another important contest is Wofford on October 1st.

Summary: Worst to first in the Southern Conference in one year. Go Mocs.

Tomorrow: Will CN actually have a stadium to play in?

Normal Returns...

They're back.

Expect to see a shift in reporting starting soon as the 2005 Sheeps College Football Preview Edition hits the web. I'll be previewing all 217 teams, 53 conferences, 32 divisions and the wild card race. Then it'll be on to Division II, Division III, Division MCXMLVVV, and then six-man flag football. Heck, I might even throw in a word or two about Carson-Newman and The University of Tennessee at Lookout Mountain (Chattanooga U? ChattaU? University of Southern Chattanooga? Chickamauga State U?...I forget what it's called). For nephews sake, The Midwestern Tennessee State University at Murphysburg will be covered as well.

Coming soon....

It's now tomorrow...

Back at work and still waiting. Figured I might as well get some work done while keeping up with the news on TV. When we decide, I'll have time to get in a good place to watch.

Fortunately, my office chipped in to furnish the coffee club with Starbucks beans, which we grind for good coffee. So at least I'm not drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee at 3:30am. It appears to be another long day in front of us. Oh well, thems the lumps. It'll be safely back sometime this morning, somewhere in America.

I'm Velly Sleepy...

One large drawback to my job is the opportunity to have some very sleepless nights. I came in last night to watch our event, just before we decided to wait. So, instead of coming in and watching, then hitting the office for a quick nap before work started....I stood around at 0300 (3am) for about two hours, then hit the cafeteria for breakfast, then real work starts. All this after getting up at 1:30am to get ready. And the best part...???

I get to do it again tomorrow morning!!! WooHoo!!

Weekly Tanka Wrapup

We took a long trip.
Was good to see everyone.
Golf was good, mostly.
"Dukes" arrived in theatres.
What's next, "Hounds of Hooterville"?

Golf Course Odditties...

Only in Tennessee can you find a smokehouse next to the #10 tee. And you've probably walked past it for years and never gave it a second thought.

It's Thursday and "Sheeps"...

RedBone and 'Ol Yeller at Deedle's...

I'm Back

Good to see those that I saw while up in the hills. Got to play some golf and eat a lot, which is pretty much my ideal vacation. I'll have some good pictures to post later. Don't forget "Dukes of Hazzard" movie premiers tomorrow. Start getting your tent ready know for the long night campout for tickets.

Pine trees galore

Mississippi surely has more pine trees per square inch than any other place
on earth. I am rolling along a very smooth blacktopped interstate looking at
nothing but large pinecones. Alabama's next, then Georgia, then finally Big
Orange Country. As with many things in life, have a little patience and
it'll happen. Sorry, have to look at the road again.

This week's "Sheeps" a day early!

Road Trip

For those of you completely in the dark....my current plans call for a quick road trip to the hills later this week. I'll be leaving Texas Thursday and spending a wonderful evening somewheres in Mississiissspppiii that night. The next day I'll roll into 'Ol Smoky sometime early-late afternoon.

Therefores, postings to this blog may be intermittent, or they may be done telephonically thru some fancy new technology that allows me to call a 8 hunnert number and then it posts my message somehow. I should probably test that system afore I take off, but I may not have time. I may also e-mail some posts during my travels.

So you may not see the very high caliber formatting that you are used to for the next few days. But don't fret, it'll all revert to normal in a few days. Hopefully when I get back I'll have a whole slew of good pictures to share. So if I see you...smile...you may be the next subject of a post!

And, of course, we did get uphill earlier today. WooHoo!

We're Almost There...

It's another big day here at my work. In our language, we're fixin' to head "uphill".

Bigger than Star Wars...

The biggest news of the Summer happens next week when the long awaited and critically acclaimed "Dukes of Hazzard" movie premieres. It's always a little risky when you take a long-running, financially successful, critically acclaimed, award winning Broadway play and try to adapt it to the big screen. But if anybody can pull it off, then Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, Stiffler, Burt Reynolds, and Willie Nelson are the ones that can do it. Have you ever seen a more star-studded lineup than this one? Incredible.

I'll be in my "General Lee", camped out all night for tickets. That's it above. (Now that I think about it...it looks a little more like Starsky and Hutch...)

A new member of the family...

I thought everyone might enjoy a picture of my new baby. Now all I need to find are some loose pigs to smoke. If you stop by next weekend we'll be having ribs, brisket, turkey, chicken and armadillo. No possum, sorry Don.

This Week in Tanka...

Roger Clemens boy,
Is playing ball in Greenville.
Texas, Tennessee.
Astros whupped Washington.
Today is Bob Dole's birthday!

Here's today's "Sheeps"

West Yellowstone Crime Log

As usual, there was a lot of criminal activity in West Yellowstone last week. Here are a few of the highlights....

"The same Hayden Street caller from the day before reported this time that her husband had shot her in the head, and then pulled the bullet out with a pair of pliers. She did not give her address. The woman was eventually arrested for disorderly conduct." (I bet that hurt).

"Police were informed that two tour guide vans had been vandalized. In one case a can of clams had been thrown all over the vehicle's windshield." (Oh, the attack of the clam throwers!)

"A gentleman found a neighbor's dog that had wandered off, and tied it up. He tried to call the owner but couldn't reach her. The dog's name was "Hey You." (The owners name was "Hey Mister")

A woman was suffering from inflamed ant bites. She was from Texas. (Naturally...)

The whole report can be found here.

Soccer is Popular in Texas!

And who said soccer would never be a mainstream sport in the US?! Here's proof of it's growing popularity in Texas! An excerpt from today's Houston Chronicle...

"TYLER — At least four people were injured Sunday in a brawl involving two adult soccer teams and spectators at a Tyler park. Authorities said one man was cut with a beer bottle and another was beaten with a baseball bat.

Witnesses said the fight, which involved nearly 100 people, started while a Tyler team called Real Madrid was accepting a championship trophy. Real Madrid member Junior Perez said the situation erupted after a teenage girl began arguing with two older women.

Carlos Perez, another Real Madrid player, said members from the losing Alcones team retrieved five aluminum bats from their cars and began striking other vehicles during the brawl.

Tyler Police Sgt. Robert Plymail said the man who was cut with the beer bottle drove a pickup truck into a sport utility vehicle. Plymail said he will be charged with reckless driving."

It continued from there....

Roger's Boy Coming to TN

From an Astros press release today...

"The Houston Astros announced today that they have agreed to terms with infielder Koby Clemens, the club's eighth-round selection and 254th pick overall in the 2005 Major League Baseball First-Year Player Draft and the son of ace Roger Clemens. Koby Clemens will begin his professional career with the Greeneville Astros, the organization's Rookie League affiliate in Greeneville, Tenn., where he is expected to play third base.

Clemens batted .523 (56x107) with 10 home runs, 14 doubles, a triple and 55 RBI for Memorial (TX) High School this year. He posted a .953 slugging percentage and .617 on-base percentage, scoring 39 runs and stealing five bases. On the mound, he finished 8-3 with a 3.17 ERA and 86 strikeouts, holding opposing batters to a .203 average. He tossed three no-hitters and four complete games, and Clemens was named the Most Valuable Player for District 18-5A. "

Please be kind to Rogers' boy. He's a good kid.

Typical Texas subdivision driveway.

News From The West...

On this here day, in 1881, outlaw Billy the Kid, was shot and killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett in Fort Sumner, N.M.

This has been your important news flash from the wild west today.

Look for me on TV

Today's a big day around here at my worksite. We're hoping to get back in the saddle again. There's a real muted buzz, or maybe that's just my medicine talking. Here's hoping for good weather in Florida.

I'll be watching the activity in our big auditorium on big screen with big sound. Usually the media hangs on outside the doors to get a reaction. I'll be the guy in the background in the suit....

Drugs Work

Better living through chemicals as they say. The pharms seem to be kicking in and I'm feeling better.

Much better I'm sure than the two kids who had to ride in the trunk of the car from Alabama to Virginia. Police are arresting this woman who was taking five kids to her ex-husbands house in Virginia. They wouldn't all fit in the car, so she had a couple of them take turns riding in the trunk. My momma has made me do some strange things before, but I don't think she would ever ask me to ride in the trunk (at least not for 8 hours).

Your momma ever ask you to do anything crazy?

Vacation???

Unfortunately no. I got sick July 6th and am just now coming out of it. On top of that, my cable modem died and I had to wait til Saturday to get that fixed. Then my blackberry's battery died and it was back to the stone ages around here.

Fortunately I found a doctor who would see me today and he gave me some drugs and it appears they will work. I think the doc's from Mexico cause he made me pay in cash. And he operated out of the back of a taco truck to boot. As long as the drugs work, I don't care.

So sorry to be off-line so long. I'll refund a month's subscription for each of you.

West Yellowstone Crime Report

I continue to be amazed at the level of crime out west. Here's some tidbits from this week's crime log of West Yellowstone, Montana. The red words are my smart alecky commentary.

-- A gray poodle named Smoky was placed in the town pound. (Eegads! Ole Smoky has been cross dressing and hiding out as a poodle! Phone home Smoky! We still love you!)

-- A man called to report that a female acquaintance had been vomiting every 10 minutes for the past five hours. She chose not to be treated by EMT's. (Yikes! You do the math! Every 10 minutes for 5 hours!??? She's launched 30 meteor showers in only 5 hours! What's that girl been eatin?)

-- An employee reported the theft of 300 to 500 quarters from the laundry room of a large motel. (Please read the next report...)

-- Guests were stuck in a motel elevator. (Hmmmm, they didn't happen to have overloaded the elevator with heavy change did they?)

You can read the whole report here.

Technical Difficulties...

I promise you, it's not me. That image thing keeps crapping out on me. And this week's "Sheeps" was a real award winner. Oh well. I suppose you'll have to wait til the book comes out.

How long til Lance Armstrong wears the yeller jersey? That's all the sports news people care about down here. Lance, Lance, Lance. Hey look, Lance is eating. Hey look, Lance has a girlfriend. Hey look, Lance just passed a hunnert people on his bike.

He's a machine, and will win his fourteenth Tour De Lance here shortly. It'll be nice when he retires so we can hear something about the Astros for a change. We'll, maybe not.

Here is today's "Sheeps"

Work Languages

Everybodys work has a certain language that goes with it. Mine is heavy on acronyms. There are other words that are morphed into special meanings. I've decided to help you out by sharing some special language examples you can use in your everyday job to make yourself seem smarter, hip and real nerdified.

Today's word is LOS (pronounced L..O...S...not loss). It stands for Loss of Signal, a condition when a satellite, or space station etc. is located in such a place that the signal from the ground is lost. Usually for a short period of time, like 5 minutes.

In everyday slang use, you say "Sorry, I just went LOS on you". This means you weren't realy listening or didn't hear what was just said. If you have a disagreement between two groups you say "I just think they went LOS on this subject", which of course means neither was really hearing what the other said, and couldn't reconcile the difference.

So there you have it. Use at will. Just don't go LOS on me. And please feel free to share your special languages, particularly if they'll make me appear less nerdy.

Another title for Texas

Woohoo! Texas won the College World Series yesterday over Florida. The poor Gators never really got into it. To be honest, I didn't watch it, but I feel obligated to hoot about it.

How about that Formula One race last weekend!? Wouldn't you be happy if you paid real money for tickets, a flight to Indianapolis, a hotel room, hot dogs etc, just to see 6 cars go round the track? It would be a long, cold day somewheres before I'd go see another F1 race if it had happened to me.

And the Cocke County cockfighters head to court today. We'll follow all the turns in this riveting story, including the trials, the media circus, the Bronco chase, Neverland, oops....mixing up my famous trials a litttle.

Thursday keeps getting later and later...

Weekly Wrapup in Tanka...

College World Series,
Big Orange was gone early, huh?
Didn't expect much.
San Antonio is champs!
League that nobody watches.

New Tenn License Plates!

The Big Orange Governor unveiled the new Tennessee license plate yesterday to much fanfare. The new plate is a digital print, not a stamp. It has a background picture of some hills and uses an outline of the state as the dash betwixt the numbers on the plate. But amazingly, there's no slogan on it!!?? It used to say "Tennessee sounds good to me!". That sounded like it was written by folks from Nashville. I was disheartened to learn there was no slogan. Then I figured the Governor probably just ran out of good slogans to use. After all, "The Friendly State" is already used up by Texas, and "Land of the Taters" is taken by Idyhoe. But I had a couple in the back of my mind.

How about...

• "Tennessee, 5 Million People, 15 Last names"
• "So Many Recipes, So Few Squirrels"

Got any better ones? Submit them to me and I'll send them to Nashville.

Open Mike Problem Again...

Seems our Governors and former Governors keep running into the problem of saying unkind things about folks while having an accidental open microphone. Yesterday Governor Rick Perry gave an interview to a bunch of reporters. At the end of the interview Gov Rick said "bye" and one of the reporters chimed in with a smart aleck response, peeved that his question didn't get answered.

Gov Rick went over and sat down for a different interview, and during his prep for that he repeated the reporters comment, then added "Adios MoFo". A very nice mix of Spanish and English don't you think. My only issue with it was it was heard by the reporters and later he apologized to everyone over and over. I wish sometime they'd just let it stand. I think it accurately reflected his feelings.

You Know You Have a Crime Problem When...

In the District (that's what cool people call Washington D.C.) the police chief had his official vehicle stolen on Sunday night. Yep, crimefighter #1 had his company car ripped off. That's some bad PR heading into your performance review. "Let's see, you had a clean driving record this year...Oh wait, that's right...it's because YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN!"

There's some poor teenager driving around out there right now in the 1999 Crown Vic with no idea the whole force is looking for him. And that's another thing. You know you have budget problems when the Police Chief is driving a 1999 Crown Victoria. That's a 6 year old car. Nothing newer than that available? Or did he think an older car was less attractive to thieves?

Newport Folks Aint Dumb...

There is a good article on the chickenpit story in today's KnoxNews. It details how one entreprenuer bought the property for $100,000 a few years ago and how one night that the FBI was at a fight, over $60,000 was collected in membership dues and entrance fees. That goes a long way towards retiring ye old mortgage.

At the other site (which was bought for $20,000) over $2 million dollars was wagered one evening. That takes a lot of ciphering to keep straight. Sounds like a profitable business to me.

My Thoughts on Educashun...

I seen where a bill to promote Pre-K educayshun programs was introduced and discussed in the Tennuhsee legislature. Pre-K? What's next, womb tutoring? Whatever happened to childhood? Around these parts folks send their kids to tutors so they can get in the best kindergarten programs. For what? They got higher quality finger paint?

When my oldest was approaching firts grade my pardner was worried that he might be behind. I told her he couldn't be behind. It was physically impossible. It was first grade. By the laws of physics he would be equal to all of the rest. By the end of the first week he could be no farther than one week behind.

It reminded me of my first day in Introductory Spanish at the Unisee of Tenniversity. The teacher walked around the room saying "Hola, como se lama" or something like that to each student. They then each answered with something like "Mi yama es Earl, gracias". When she got to me I said "If'n I understood what you said I wouldn't be in Introductory Spanish". It didn't sit too well with Senora Teacher and obviously my Spanish skills didn't stick.

The point being, let kids be kids. I don't want my kindergartner having to worry about being able to read on a 5th grade level. There will be plenty of time for that when he reaches high school.

It's Thursady and Sheeps!

Answering the mail...

I get lots of e-mail (at least a couple a hunnert a day), and frequently I get the question "how do you come up with material every day?". That's a great question.

I read a lot in my job and sometimes things just strike me funny. Maybe I look at things with a different slant than most folks, I dunno. But I'll read something, and then do a double-take. "Did I just read what I thought I read?". Then the funny thought hits me and I catalog it for future articles. Other times, really crazy crap happens that is just too good to pass up. Those are the genesis for the "can you believe it" articles. Also I keep some staples going, such as the Thursday Sheeps, the Friday poetry wrapup, etc.. That makes it easier to figure out what kind of material to write for the day. A little focus helps a lot.

And of course, on days when there is really no material at all, I answer e-mail questions.

College Baseball Update

Looks like the Big Orange will be playing in the College Baseball World Series. Or as my partner put it, "Oh great, now I guess we'll have to watch all those games too". Yes, your right. The CBWS (that's an "acronym" I learned that at work) is the most exciting baseball going. The aluminum bats make homers commonplace. It's as if they put helium in a football so the punter could kick it a mile.

And a followup to yesterday's news report on the 144 people who were arrested at a cockfight near Newport Tennessee. To all of the people who were surprised to find chicken fighting near Newport...It's in Cocke County...how do you think it got it's name....????

Wild, wild, west

Here's this week's edition of the West Yellowstone Crime Log.

Weirder?

Which is bigger news today? Michael Jackson walking away scot-free, or 144 citizens of Cocke County being arrested at a cockfight? You're right, the cockfight.

My favorite quote came from the FBI who said you can't let an operation like this go on, when you find out about it you just have to put a stop to it. Later in the article the Del Rio chicken pit was described as a staple in the community for 60 years. It took 60 years to get a warrant? Of course not, the pit had been raided at least twice before, once resulting in 400 people being cited.

What might surprise you, cockfighting is legal in New Mexico and Louisiana. Wouldn't that be a hoot for a Friday night out? A great place to take your wife for her anniversary. "Honey I have a surprise for you, we are going gambling on our anniversary!" She's all pumped about the flight to Vegas when you pull up to the chicken pit.

Who doesn't think the cockfights in Del Rio aren't back on by this weekend? As a side note, a Cocke County politician ensured that cockfighting would only be a misdemeanor. He couldn't be reached since he's in prison for two years on a drug distribution charge.

The King's English

During an interview for his most recent debacle...I mean fight, Mike Tyson was asked what he would do if he lost. His answer? "I guess I would just fade into Bolivian".

Go ahead and buy your ticket to La Paz Mike. I think you're on your way...

We made the news!

Did you miss the article yesterday where I made the news? I assume by now you've read where some dude carrying a bloody chainsaw, a meat cleaver, a bloody pocketknife and other sharp instruments was allowed to cross into the US from Canada by Customs. Their rationale was "just because you're weird doesn't mean you can't come in". They also said they didn't have a crime lab there so they had no way of knowing if the red substance on his chainsaw was paint or blood. On top of that, the picture of the dude would've made the hair on the back of Charlie Manson's neck stand up.

Later, the police figured out that this fella might've been involved in some chainsaw murders of some of his former friends. So where do I come in?

"In state court the next day, the suspect told a judge he is affiliated with NASA."

Please keep him. We'll make do without him.

My gosh, that water is cold....

Here's a shot of Roger Clemens pitching at Minute Maid Park. Roger is the dot in the middle. He looks very intense in this photo.

Various...

I can finally rest now, the Women's College World Softball Series is over. Michigan won by beating UCLA. It's the first time any team east of the great Mississippi has ever won the title. I'm glad Michigan won, even though I still root against them every chance I get cause of that Charles Woodson Heisman thing. I hold a long grudge.

Michael Jackson checked back into the hospital with back pains. Here's hoping he's late, and in his Disney jammies, for the verdict.

"Sheeps" has viewership from many regons of the US. So far I can count Chattanooga, Knoxville, Jefferson City, Fayatteville, and Worcester Massachusetts in the mix. I realize that Massachussettans may find some of the material immaterial, or at best, mildly odd. I'll try to input more information in the future that appeals to them. Here's a stab...

No Kennedy's have acted up this past week. WooHoo! The Red Sox are still champions til October. Woohoo! The snow is now sufficiently gone enough to actually drive all the way to the Red Lion Inn. Woohoo! The South hasn't seceded lately! Woohoo!

There. That makes me feel better.

Thanks for your suggestions

It's nice to know the on-line community can come to your aid in time of need. I suffered from sleep deprivation yesterday (sounds fancy don't it) and received a number of kind, sincere and well meaning suggestions. A lot like the suggestions I would have received from my own family, had I been dumb enough to whine about not sleeping to them. I have since recalibrated my nocturnal clock and am now synced up with Central Time. So no more sleep problems here.

I can't wait for the Michael Jackson verdict to come in. We expect massive riots in my town when the verdict is read. Fortunately, it's expected that the rioters (Michael supporters) won't be able to throw bricks hard enough to actually break any windows. We anticipate the massive protest march will be choreographed by Bob Fosse.

I Can't Sleep!

Used to be I had no troubles sleeping til noon. Even when I needed to be up at 8:00. Now as I get older, there are days I just give up on it, like today. I woke up at 4:00 and realized that it was going to be useless, so just give in and get up. I figure I'll go to bed about 8 tonight to even it out.

I know people at work who show up at 6am every day and leave at 7pm and complain about having to work too hard. Me, I don't do that. Maybe if I was real smart and thought my employer really needed me, maybe. But I figure any extra hours I put in are just another chance I'll mess something up.

Why am I writng about this? Cause I can't sleep or think of anything else! Wait, go visit www.weht.net to see whatever happened to all of your favorite 15 minute of fame folks. There, I'm done.

What passes for intellect around here...

It's Official...

I'm officially a nerd. This weekend I attempted to install a wireless network in my house and I succeeded. That pretty much seals it. I even had to go in and change some settings and it still worked. I'm very concerned about the ramifications of this. I'm using the wireless network right now. It's awesome. The fact that I think a wireless network is awesome is scary too.

To provide further evidence I stayed up late last night hoping to pull the Lady Vols softball team by Michigan. I gave up after 10 innings only to find out they won in 11 innings this morning. I stayed up late watching women's softball.

Next up, summer crotchet classes and sensitivity training.

Weekly Tanka Wrapup...

Forty years ago,
Ed White took a walk outside
Gemini 4.
First American to be
his own personal spaceship.

Other news....Go Lady Vols in the College World Series! Yesterday they cranked out their first win and boy that sure helps to get off to a good start.

Other female news includes the first ever (136 years) UT female drum major. Wow, these women are taking over the world. And so much for my predicition that Danica Patrick would crash at the Indy 500 in the first three laps. She didn't do too bad. Can you name the winner? Didn't think so.

Sad news of the day...Ian Hunter of Mott the Hoople turns 66. (All the way from Memphis!)

We Missed the Point...

Yesterday, I read that on June 1st during the War of 1812, naval commander James Lawrence who was fatally wounded, told his crew "to fire faster and not to give up the ship." This is the source of the well known motto "Don't give up the ship."

But it occured to me that the most important part of that quote came first which was "fire faster!". The don't give up the ship part was just a little icing. What he really, really wanted was for them to FIRE FASTER Dadgummitt! Faster!

I dunno, it was just a random odd thought of mine.... I think we immortalized the wrong part of the quote...

Congratulations to you!

On this day in 1796, Tennessee became the 16th state to join the Union. Hooty Hoot! The Union was forever changed for the better. Biscuits and gravy were introduced to the country, country ham became a staple for city folks, prospects for dentistry as a profession rose enormously, and college football became an obsession.

I even heard David Letterman comment to a guest the other night that he (David) was wearing the guests state colors cause he had on an orange tie. The guest was from Memphis. She cringed a little but didn't correct him or offer any explanation of Tiger High.

So Congratulations on your birthday today Big Orange. Thanks for sending Davy Crockett and Sam Houston down our way to help create Texas. We gave you back fajitas, enchiladas, another orange UT, and the two-step.

Gimme a "T" for Texas, a "T" for Tennessee....(I forget the rest of the song...)

Saw Roger Clemens Pitch!

Hey! I saw Roger Clemens pitch yesterday! Unfortnately he threw one bad pitch that was whacked into a two run homer. In Houston these days, we call that kind of lead..."insurmountable". The 'Stros got five hits (two were infield hits), and no runs. The Reds on the other hand, got fewer hits against Roger, but managed to score 7 runs in the ninth when we took the Rocket out.

Oh well. It was Major League Baseball anyway. At least half of it....

Poor Sidney....

Nephew Sidney has embarked to Yellowstone to work this summer. I just learned that he has been assigned maid duties. Manly stuff. I try to keep up with the goings on way out yonder, if for no other reason but nostalgia.

My favorite newspaper in those parts is the West Yellowstone News. It's a very small town right outside of the park itself. It has a very nice Crime Log section in the paper. Someone frequently hits a buffalo (excuse me..BISON), or a snowmobile, or a saloon. Generally, people are drunk and lost. Occasionally a real crime happens (usually theft of a snowmobile or a bison).

You should check it out occasionally, or refer me to your favorite crime log. I miss the old Daily Beacon logs, that was my favorite part of the Beacon (especially when somebody you knew was in it....).

The week in Tanka...

It was Carrie U,
Bo Bice was clearly robbed.
Who really cares much?
I'm on to a better show,
Have you seen Britney and Kev?

Sheeps...

The fix is in...

Somehow, the girl from Oklahoma won on American Idol, even though Bo Bice came out with Lynyrd Skynyrd and performed "Sweet Home Alabama". Unbelievable. Obviously it was fixed. Or people from Alabama weren't smart enough to cipher all those numbers in order to vote correctly. Oh well, Bo can be Ronnie Van Zandts' little brother.

The big news around these parts is that the Astros won their third (out of 24) road game of the year. Whoopee! One game away from the world series last year, 12 games out of first place in May this year. First to worst in a year. The 3rd worst road record since 1900 in the major leagues. Wow. And I have tickets for Monday's game!

Upsetting...

Today is a National Day of Mourning cause Howard Morris passed away last night in Hollywood. Howard had a million TV roles but was best known as "Ernest T. Bass" on the Andy Griffith show. The rock throwing hillbilly would usually say "It's me, it's me, it's Ernest T". While never being recognized with an Emmy, or Grammy, or Oscar for his role he was wildely held as a bastion of regional character acting by many. It will be a long time before another character as unique and odd comes our way. Goodbye Ernest T.

News Flash: Arkansas man puts his bid in to be the next Otis....

Yesterday a 38 year old Arkansas man was riding in the passenger seat of his pickup (he had asked a buddy to drive because he was drunk, so he's not totally stupid), when his cigarette flew out of his mouth out the window. He stepped out of the vehicle to retrieve his cigarette....unfortunately they were doing about 60mph at the time.

Emergency room folks said he was lucky, and only scraped up a bit. No word on whether his first words after coming to were "I need a beer".

Let the Games Begin....

Tonight is the big final audition night (they vote tomorrow?) on American Idol and the last chance to let your voice be heard. Who will you vote for? Ronnie Van Zandt or Martina McBride? Oops, it's actually Bo or Carrie. Normally I would easily pick "Bo" since I grew up on southern rock, however, every woman at work who watches the show is drooling over him which makes me want to vote the other way out of spite. I don't know why either. It's not like...

1. They have a chance with him and are picking him over me...or..
2. I have a chance with them and am getting passed over...or
3. I really care who they drool over...
4. I really care enough to actually vote.

It's just spite. Besides, Carrie is pretty cute, so that's enough reason to vote for her. So, to anyone at work who asks, and drools over Bo, I'm gonna vote for Carrie. On two phones. On speed dial.

For everybody else, who would you vote for if you actually cared enough to watch, and (Help You!) cared enough to spend time calling a phone number that wasn't actually connected to anything?

So who is it? Bo or Carrie?

Envious?....

I don't know how it is where you are but this weekend in Texas it hit summer overnight. Spring was great and long. But summer arrived with a vengeance.

Both saturday and sunday were record highs with 96 being tops. That's not too bad for July, but a little toasty for May. Especially when you are umping a little league game with full umpire gear on at 1:00 in the afternoon.

But as we always say down here, you don't have to scrape off heat off your windshield in the morning.

OK, enough weather crap. Real reporting resumes tomorrow....

Here's your weekly "Sheeps"

New Poetry Style This Week...

After much discussion and arm twisting from ancient poetry advocates, (I get lots of email from them) the Friday Weekly Wrapup report this week will be written in Tanka, not Haiku. The Tanka form of Japanese poetry has existed for centuries longer than Haiku and is generally considered more "pure" of spirit. So here goes...

Kenny Chesney won,
Married a girl from Houston.
Episode 3 out.
Two left on Idol, boy/girl,
Too much TV for normal.

I'm so sleepy...

I stayed up way too late last night cause I went to the new Star Wars movie. That's right, I'm a Star Wars junkie.

Yep, at midnight last night I was one of the first nerds in to see "Revenge of the Stitch, Star Wars Episode 3". I don't want to give away the plot but Annanova Skyscraper turns into the evil asthma guy during the movie. Carrie Fischer is out of drug rehab and running the Empire again. Luke Skyscraper and Chewingtobacca the big hairy fella have fallen in love. R2D2 has been upgraded and now runs on open source Linux.

C3PO got left out in the rain and rusted. Yoda was only 600 years old during this episode but still had lots of wrinkles. In a real surprise, Jabba the Hut was dating Natalie Portman.

I've probably revealed too much. I hope I didn't spoil the movie for you. I'm going to take a nap.

On this day....

In 1933, the Tennessee Valley Authority was created. Flooding stopped and high salaries began.

In 1980, Mount St. Helens erupted. Millions of people on the east coast finally learned that there is another "Washington".

And last night, Country Music star Kenney Chesney won entertainer of the year at the Country Music Awards.

Question #1: How does a Jimmy Buffett clone win country music's highest award? His winning song talked about having sand between your toes and then having to go back home to Cleveland. I never heard Hank Williams talk about sand, and I don't thing George Jones has ever been to Cleveland. At least not that he can remember.

Question #2: Where did they get the dolt that introduced Kenney, then can't even pronounce where he's from? I had to rewind my TIVO to understand what he said. He pronounced the place as "Luh-TREL" with the emphasis on the second syllable, not " LUH-truhl" like anybody who's ever been there knows it is. It's spelled Luttrel, even though most people from their can't spell. Maybe Luttrel is working on a new upscale image.

Mars Rover back at it...

One of our two Mars Rovers (remember those dudes?) had been stuck in Mars mud for a while. It's a little like Georgia red clay. The good news is it got unstuck and is roving again!

What I can't say is who helped it get unstucked. It got towed and we are thankful, but hopeful they are friendly. I wonder what a towing charge on Mars is?

Other big news includes Continental Airlines putting in a direct flight to Houston from Chattanooga Tennessee! Woohoo! Chattanoogians can now fly to Houston without stopping in Atlanta or Dallas! Woohoo! There are a total of 6 direct flight from "CHA" now. You can fly non-stop to...Nashville...Atlanta...Dallas...Houston....Topeka...Akron....and the Tri-Cities (maybe that counts as three?).

Question: If you had a ticket for three people departing from Chattanooga would it be the "Cha Cha Cha"?

You know you are old when....

Further evidence that you're really old....little pixie Olga Korbut turns 50 today. That's right, the little Russian gymnast is 50 today. If you have no clue who Olga Korbut is then you'll have to wait til Britney Spears turns 50 to understand.

Only 81 more days til the premier of the movie "Dukes of Hazzard". Rumour has it the premier will feature a huge biscuits and gravy buffet feast, a turkey shoot, and some pickin' and grinnin' later. Appearances from HeeHaw veterans is planned. Junior Samples, Grandpa Jones, Homer and Jethro, and especially Buck Owens and the Buckaroos. No word yet on whether Porter Waggoner will be able to attend.

Friday's Haiku...

Sidney came by here,
Summer comes around again,
School is almost out!

You beat me to it...

Glad to see you were able to find appropriate East Tenn stories before me. I think all that were suggested qualify under the criteria.

In other news....

Newsweek aanounced the top 1,000 high schools in the United States this week. Looking through the list I found no mention of "Chattanooga City", "Carter", or "Millington". Not to mention "South-Doyle", "Doyle" or "South" whichever it is these days.

I did see "Clear Lake" come in at number 729. That's right up the road from "Clear Creek" which is where my brood will go. Not to be confused with "Clear Brook", further up the road, or the new high school "Clear River" that's under construction. Clever naming scheme huh?

On the road again

I'm in Albuquerque for a couple of days getting my turqoise fix. Lots of
history, lots of native american pottery, lots of homeless people hanging
out. Its an odd sort of place.

I haven't heard of any really weird news from east tenn lately which means
you ae due. Expect a strange story in the next 3 days. It will involve
either:

1. A trailer park
2. A stepdad
3. A meth lab
4. Pigs
5. Magnolia avenue
6. Chattanooga police

Any combination of three of the above qualifies.